Penpusher
Posted: 2016-03-04T03:10:57+10:00 In:

Years after her family is murdered by a vicious career criminal, a lonely young woman embarks on helping two London detectives catch a hooded vigilante, killing the men of the very same man who destroyed her life. But when the hood comes down, will they like what’s revealed?

Years after her family is murdered by a vicious career criminal, a lonely young woman embarks on helping two London detectives catch a hooded vigilante, killing the men of the very same man who destroyed her life. But when the hood comes down, will they like what’s revealed?
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    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      My two cents:

      Years after her family is murdered by a vicious career criminal, a lonely young woman embarks on a journey to help two London detectives catch a hooded vigilante who is?targeting?the killer’s?henchmen. But when the hood comes down, can she?stand?what?s revealed?

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    2. Samurai

      Qn: why is the young woman helping the detectives to catch the vigillante who is – in effect – avenging her murdered family by killing off the bad guy’s henchmen?

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    3. Singularity

      What kbfilmworks asked.

      Also, as has been stated with your other loglines, IvyDene91, it’s not necessary to end a logline on with a question.? In fact, it works against the function of a logline? The purpose of a?logline are not designed to tease, but to inform.???So it is prudent to stick to a basic declarative statement (or two) that gives the basic elements:? the protagonist with a flaw, an objective goal, an antagonist or obstacle, and the stakes.

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    4. Singularity

      Agreed with DPG and Kbfilmworks.

      Also if her family’s murder is what motivates her to take action it is in essence her inciting incident, but as this is described to be in the past it may not work as well as it needs to.

      In other words the wounds of grief from her family’s death have had time to heal and therefore the impact of the trauma is diluted. In addition to that, in a story the immediacy of the action the main character takes can add a sense of urgency, but if the inciting incident and her action are separated by a few years this effect is lost.

      Point is why not kill her family at the start of the story and directly before she sets off on her journey?

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