Young, desperate criminal Anthony Secorro and his small gang deal with the horrific consequenses of committing a strong-armed robbery during an exorcism.
clopticPenpusher
Young, desperate criminal Anthony Secorro and his small gang deal with the horrific consequenses of committing a strong-armed robbery during an exorcism.
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Try to avoid using character names in your logline.? Consider adding irony. It’s normal for criminals to be desperate. And it’s normal for them to get in trouble eventually. For example you can make the criminal a man of faith turned to crime.
Good notes above.
What sets the story in motion? What is the one event that motivates them to take action? This event needs to be described in the logline, as it defines the beginning of the story.
Secondly, “…deal with the horrific consequences…” is too vague a description for a goal. These consequences are the stakes for your characters in the story and as such need to be clearly described. Their objective, in light of these stakes, needs to be in the logline, what specifically must they achieve before the story ends?
Your MC doesn’t need a name in your logline. Just describe his main flaw and what he actually is, like a teacher, student, cop or murder.
I think you can cut the terminology “young” and choose just desperate instead.
I would also describe the consequences the gang has to deal with after the robbery. I mean there are thousand of potential ways your story can follow, so you have to be more specific in order to make your story stand out.
Cloptic,
What does the robbery have to do with the exorcism that makes the ultimate goal of your story fresh and unique?
Anything else you can add about the plot that could help with the logline?