A bereaved businessman becomes obsessed with the identity of an amnesia sufferer who saves his life only to become embroiled in a supernatural conflict that threatens to claim everything he holds close.

Thanks so much for this advice. One of the challenges I had in this longline is that I cannot reveal what the supernatural element is as it is the twist to the story. Cheers and I will tweak again more in line with your recommendations.

If the story is a super natural thriller it would be good to describe the antagonist. Because in the super natural genres the form of the super natural is what is interesting. Is it a ghost, demonic possession or ancient monster? Either one would be fine but either one would paint the concept in a different way.

The particulars of the evil thing will help make this a unique and interesting story. Perhaps best if you elaborate on the super natural element in the logline.

Hope this helps.

I agree with the comments above, good advice.