A grieving father takes a job as a janitor to break into a building and gatecrash a Christmas party to exact revenge on those who committed an unspeakable act against his son.

by mobiuswest · Mentor · 780 pts 6 views

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1 review

Yarsh2468 · Initiate · 45 pts

This logline had me HOOKED until you said "unspeakable act". The unspeakable act is directly spoken of when you say, "unspeakable act". However, changing unspeakable out for a different adjective fixes this problem immediately and leaves you with a very very well polished logline that sells. "Heinous" "unforgivable" "destructive." Maybe I am ridiculous, but to me (and my opinion is but a grain of salt) unspeakable loses me because it could be anything, when what I want is simplicity and a logline that is upfront.

WONDERFUL LOGLINE!!!

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