A kid named Jack who comes from a devout mormon family who all wear the infamous Magic Underwear starts going to kindergarten and starts getting bullied and after that he starts questioning his faith.

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Magic Underwear

3 reviews

FFF · Mentor · 8,245 pts

I recommend to write some logline guides, this is the one I prefere: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/ but you have one right on this site https://loglines.org/howto/

You'll understand why you can avoid character's names.

Anyway, I have no Idea of what a magic underwear is so I recommend to include more details in the logline. Then focus about the main character, his goal, his enemies.

Good luck!

FFF · Mentor · 8,245 pts

I recommend to write some logline guides, this is the one I prefere: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/ but you have one right on this site https://loglineit.com/howto/

You'll understand why you can avoid character's names.

Anyway, I have no Idea of what a magic underwear is so I recommend to include more details in the logline. Then focus about the main character, his goal, his enemies.

Good luck!

cryters · Logliner · 345 pts

The story feels ambiguous to me as mention of the magic underwear suggests a bit of surrealism injected into an otherwise real story and I'm not clear if that is your intention or not. Therefore, I don't get a sense of what the story will achieve.

When bullied at school for his Mormon faith, a young boy questions his faith by rebelling only to learn his magic underwear really is magic and gives him super powers that help him deal with the bullies.

A point of contention: I wonder if a 6-year-old would have the intelligence and awareness to question his faith. Perhaps your hero could be older?