Categories: Thriller
Interesting idea Lorato, and nice suggested rework Dkpough1. More words could be cut too, I think. ?born? could be removed as birth or being born is implied in the word stillborn. ?generational? could go too, as that's implied in something which ?kills female children of his family.? And I'd change ?a? to ?the? to make the curse more specific (The curse, versus any old generic curse). Then another bit of rearranging to make it more active. So then using Dkpough's as a jump point:
After his daughter is stillborn, a wizard must enlist a necromancer's help within three days to resurrect her and break the curse killing his family's female children.
Creative spaces ?are indeed the way to go. Thank you all creatives for your reviews, you have helped tremendously. ?After your last notes I had to make some serious adjustments to the screenplay which by the way I have completed. I heard about this website after I wrote my screenplay ?which became even more helpful because your notes to the logline helped me improve the screenplay. I am glad you ?love this latest version and I will be sure to make the necessary changes and cut down on words like you suggested. thank you tons again.
?When he discovers his unborn child is to be a girl, a wizard must track down and capture the villainous necromancer to remove?a curse that's killing his female offspring?
Interesting idea. However, in your post you say the wizard can resurrect people, but that's the point of the story: he can't, so he has to get someone's help. And in your suggestion, at least in any story I've read, necromancers can only deal with people who are already dead, which means that cursing someone living is out of their power(so just replace necromancer with sorcerer, wizard, whatever). Unless it's different in Lorato's version.
As to whether the daughter is dead/about to be born, I don't think it matters much. The stakes are the same: can he save his daughter-and somehow by extension-and the rest of his female bloodline? I can only take a guess that Lorato's idea is that the resurrection is very thing which breaks the curse.
Anyway, I hope this helps.
