Categories: Thriller
The story is about grief at its heart. He doesn’t want to fix his mental illness as he will lose her all over again. But the police’s decision to move on triggers him to fix the suburb she loved by addressing the crime that killed her.
I love the outline. I like the section where he realizes he has become part of the problem; this will help explore the theme. What he does for a living, might have this movie inadvertently be compared to the taxi driver (1976). Maybe finding a different way of executing the second act will help, what do you think?
I think you can do better than "a man". He's your protagonist after all. Can you give us a little more so we get some idea of who he is and what his arc is. I'm guessing it's being able to let his wife go at the end?
I agree with Richiev about the structure - the police stopping the investigation is the inciting incident.
I think there's a big difference in saying "becomes [a] vigilante" and "fixes the suburb she loved". The latter is infinitely more powerful. Also, Richiev makes a valid addition in including his goal after he becomes a vigilante. Your logline doesn't really get us past the first act - what does he specifically want to do as a vigilante? I refer back to the "fixing the suburb she loved" bit. This doesn't fall into the Thriller genre as much as "catching his wife's killer".
I feel like the seeing his wife's ghost feels disconnected to the plot and again, I got a lot more information from the text under the logline. Is it a delusion or is he actually seeing her ghost?
sorry for the autocorrect issues.
Unsure should be unseen.
