Talented violinst faces two options of getting away with his suffering-playing the violin.Either follow his evil thoughts that lead him to make a radical solution or follow his best friend’s escape plan.

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Redemption

2 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Well stated by AHSitt the logline prioritises cryptic descriptions over specific ones this works agains the clarity a logline should have.

There are also a notably large number of grammar mistakes which compound the effect for the reader making this a difficult senates to understand.

Start with the answers to these questions as a base for your next draft:
The MC is a violinist but what does he want?
What starts his story, what is the inciting incident?

Hope this helps.

AHStitt · Samurai · 585 pts

Sorry, this just doesn't work for me. I've got no idea what is "his suffering" - apparently somehow connected to his talent. And I've got no idea what his choices mean. I don't know what the problem is, nor the stakes nor what choices he faces. You obviously have a clear notion of the story so I suggest try again making the logline less cryptic.