When his research lab risks beign shut down, a passionate scientist and his nerdy intern build a believable fake AI, but they need to pass a series of tests to be taken seriously while unscrupulous corporations want to take possession of the invention.

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14 reviews

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat · Logliner · 475 pts

"When a passionate scientist and his nerdy intern build a believable fake AI to save their lab, they need to pass a series of tests while unscrupulous corporations try to lay hand on the invention."

The obstacles are?the series of test and the tentatives of the companies to lay hand on the AI. The lack of funds is a premise: maybe the reason why the lab must be closed, and/or the reason why they cannot build a real AI.
The antagonists are the companies, better if collusion with the responsable of the tests.
What's at stake is the lab.
Better if the nerdy intern is a pretty woman so there may be a love affair with the responsable of the tests or some boss of the companies.

The usual?ending of such a plot is the?tests missed, the?companies conned and the scientist having lot of money to build his real AI. This can make?a good comedy.

FFF · Mentor · 8,245 pts

Thanks for all the feedback, I will try to think about the stakes issue, about the antagonist, and about the m.c. final goal (save the lab is not high enough).

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

The concept has drowned under too much detail and back story. You have obviously considered many of the elements and structured the back story extensively which is a good thing. However now is the time to discern what belongs in the back story and what belongs in the story and therefore the script.

The hippie benefactor, his love interest and his algorithm do not belong in this story.

At this early stage I would suggest to distill the concept via the logline using only the very basic components of your story:

MC - Scientist
This is good.

Flaw - Workaholic
This is good.

Ally - Nerdy assistant.
This is good, no need to mention him faking his CV as it has no baring on the plot, story or character.

Inciting incident - The lab being shut down
This is good.

Goal - Save his lab
This is good.

Obstacle - Lack of funds
This is good.

Antagonist - Unprincipled people
This is bad because it is a generic and vague description of several characters. Better to specify the nature of the antagonist in a single character that will pose the greatest problem for the MC.

Stakes - ?
This is bad as it is not clear what is the worst or best that would happen if he succeeds or fails.

Putting all these elements together into a logline will look something like this:
After his lab is shut down a workaholic scientist, on the verge of a huge breakthrough, must sell a fake AI to a greedy CEO of a major corporation to be able to finish his research and change humanity for ever.

I would suggest specifying the breakthrough his is about to make as it is important for us to know how he will change humanity for ever so we know what the stakes are. Cure for all cancer? Longterm solution for world hunger? Warp drive capability? Etc...

Hope this helps.