When their father dies, Jackie goes home to clean out the house and her basement dwelling, incel brother.

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4 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

Agreed with all the above comments.

Check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar - a logline needs to describe a goal.
What is it your character must achieve?

doc21g · Penpusher · 50 pts

I agree with the above reviewers, and it isn't clear why and if she is cleaning her brother.

CraigDGriffiths · Overlord · 12,600 pts

You have done what i call a ?shopping list?. ?You have told us an event(s) and not the story.

what is learnt?
what is hard?
what is the conflicts (internal. External)?

here is one:

Cleaning her dad's house after his death a woman learns..... so she.... but.....stops her, forcing her to..... to achieve outcome.