1. Posted: June 13, 2017In:

    Rewrite: When a muslim woman- betrothed as a child, follows her dream to choose her husband by herself, she must face terrorisation from her betrothed who feels dishonored.

    1yzzy75 Logliner

    Terrorization? Is that really a word? Also, the dash is misplaced, it should be a comma. I love this idea, though. Keep going with it!

    Terrorization? Is that really a word? Also, the dash is misplaced, it should be a comma. I love this idea, though. Keep going with it!

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  2. Posted: June 11, 2017In:

    Rework: When cops are killed in a series of murders, the investigator must catch the contract killer and his employer before they get to his family.

    1yzzy75 Logliner

    I like the feel of the reworked line more immensely. If you still feel it is off, how about rewording it a little? "uncover the contract killer and his employer"? "insure his family's safety/survival"?

    I like the feel of the reworked line more immensely. If you still feel it is off, how about rewording it a little? “uncover the contract killer and his employer”? “insure his family’s safety/survival”?

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  3. Posted: June 3, 2017In:

    Reword #2: When she is abducted by her estranged father so she can be spared, a stubborn humanitarian must find a way to prevent him from killing most of humanity.

    1yzzy75 Logliner

    I still think that a word or two about what she will be spared from needs to be added.

    I still think that a word or two about what she will be spared from needs to be added.

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