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A young black Swedish girl arrives on Australian shores only to lose her new husband in an inexplicable farming accident Drawn to misfits, her new friends path to expunge their own demons help her to uncover how her husband died. But will that ease her demons?
While many elements of a good logline are included, you've included a lot of excess info that makes it sound more like a back of the DVD description. It's a good start, but try trimming it down a lot. i.e. "A young Swedish/Australian transplant struggles to uncover the mystery of how her husband dieRead more
While many elements of a good logline are included, you’ve included a lot of excess info that makes it sound more like a back of the DVD description. It’s a good start, but try trimming it down a lot. i.e. “A young Swedish/Australian transplant struggles to uncover the mystery of how her husband died”. Of course, to hook us, you will need to include more about her struggle, which should be the center of the logline. The misfits, the friends, the inner demons, that can all be cut.
See lessWhen a Texas cotton farmer’s land stops yielding crops, he teams up with an old friend to distribute VHS pornography tapes; leaving his family and slipping into a world of depravity and greed to become the undisputed King of Pornography in Texas. (1980)
The idea is solid. I'd be interested in seeing this movie. But it fails to have the necessary elements of a successful logline. For one, there's no conflict. There's a problem and he solves it. Whatever the main conflict is needs to be what your logline focuses on. For example: When a Texas cotton fRead more
The idea is solid. I’d be interested in seeing this movie. But it fails to have the necessary elements of a successful logline. For one, there’s no conflict. There’s a problem and he solves it. Whatever the main conflict is needs to be what your logline focuses on. For example: When a Texas cotton farmer’s land stops yielding crops, he struggles for a new source of income, unwittingly falling into the distribution of pornography.
Which leads me to the second problem with this logline. You gave away the ending. You should never give away the ending if you want a producer to read the script. If the Sixth Sense logline was: “A psychiatrist struggles to help a young boy who sees dead people, and it turns out the psychiatrist was dead the whole time” it never would’ve sold.
See lessAfter blowing his investor?s money in one drunken night, a socially awkward college student struggles to produce a movie with no budget or risk being found out.
My biggest issue with writing a logline for this film is that the first and second act both have a hook. This logline only covers the first act hook, which feels a little disingenuous to the scripts actual plot. A logline that covers the second act hook would be: After writing and directing a succesRead more
My biggest issue with writing a logline for this film is that the first and second act both have a hook. This logline only covers the first act hook, which feels a little disingenuous to the scripts actual plot.
A logline that covers the second act hook would be: After writing and directing a successful movie, a socially awkward college student struggles to keep his friends while exploring his new world of sex and drugs.
The issue there is that this doesn’t happen until the second half of the film, so it would be unsuccessful as a logline.
Combining the two: After blowing his investor?s money in one drunken night, a socially anxious college student struggles to make his movie on shoestring budget, but when the indie-film is a big hit, he must try and keep the friends who helped him out while being swept into a new world of sex and drugs.
And the problem here is it’s too long, and arguably reveals too much of the scripts plot.
I’m excited to hear y’alls thoughts!
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