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A CSIS agent returns to duty to stop an eco-terrorist leader who’s missing his original face, and his followers who are in possession of the American government’s plans for the next 81 years.
While this isn't bad writing, it is not a successful logline in my opinion. You present our protagonist, and then you present some other aspects of our narrative world, but it lacks a clear plot. A CSIS agent returns to duty (okay, that's good set-up) to stop an eco-terrorist (alright, there's his aRead more
While this isn’t bad writing, it is not a successful logline in my opinion. You present our protagonist, and then you present some other aspects of our narrative world, but it lacks a clear plot. A CSIS agent returns to duty (okay, that’s good set-up) to stop an eco-terrorist (alright, there’s his antagonist) who’s missing his original face (what? clearly this needs set-up in your world, since in our known universe people don’t lose their faces, but to avoid over complicating your logline by explaining the scifi nature of this world, maybe just not mention that. Execs will learn it when they read your script, but for now just him being an eco-terrorist is enough), and his followers who are yada yada (this part makes very little sense as well. 81 years? That’s a random length of time. And why does it matter that they have the government’s plans? If you’re adding info, you need to also include why it adds to the antagonism of the plot).
So, An ex-CSIS agent returns to duty to stop an eco-terrorist, that’s all good. I would cut the rest and figure out a way to integrate more succinct but important details to the plot.
See lessSix people with minds unlike our own. Famous movie monsters, invisible twins, conspiracies, clones, a lizard-queen, and obliterating an entire race. What happens when the line between reality and fantasy becomes blurred?
You need an antagonistic force in a logline. This would be great for the back of a DVD or the description of a Netflix title, but it's not a logline. Ensemble scripts are difficult to write loglines for because generally you want to focus on one plot line, not multiple, so boiling down your story toRead more
You need an antagonistic force in a logline. This would be great for the back of a DVD or the description of a Netflix title, but it’s not a logline. Ensemble scripts are difficult to write loglines for because generally you want to focus on one plot line, not multiple, so boiling down your story to one essential arc will be key in re-writing a good logline.
See lessWhen an idealistic attorney discovers the man she freed from prison is a cold-blooded killer she chooses payback over ethics and mounts a stunning plan to put him back inside.
It's a little clunky, in my opinion. The general plot you're conveying is good, but changing various words I think will give you something more strong and succinct. "Cold-blooded killer" could be replaced with "guilty" for example. The use of the word "chooses" seems to provide less of an antagonistRead more
It’s a little clunky, in my opinion. The general plot you’re conveying is good, but changing various words I think will give you something more strong and succinct. “Cold-blooded killer” could be replaced with “guilty” for example. The use of the word “chooses” seems to provide less of an antagonistic plot force, because it doesn’t convey she’s struggling to come up with a plan, but just bada-boom there’s a plan. So if her coming up with a plan is really that simple, then I’d ax it because its not a major plot point. If the antagonistic force is executing the plan then that’s what I’d focus on. Furthermore, how is wanting to put him back in prison, when he is in fact guilty, not ethical? Clearly, it must be because whatever her plan is is not ethical, but that’s not super clear.
So: “When an idealistic attorney discovers the man she freed from prison is guilty, she struggles to execute a nefarious plot to put him back behind bars” would be my recommended logline.
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