1. Posted: June 28, 2022In:

    After his father’s passing, a boy must find a way to bring the sparkle back into his life.

    Alan H. Jordan Penpusher

    Since the bright orange ball is a character, I wonder if this approach makes sense: After one of the best soccer players in the world passes over a mystical bright-orange soccer ball must convince the player's grandson to take up soccer.

    Since the bright orange ball is a character, I wonder if this approach makes sense:

    After one of the best soccer players in the world passes over a mystical bright-orange soccer ball must convince the player’s grandson to take up soccer.

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  2. Posted: July 2, 2022In:

    A doubtful artist and a stagnant fashion designer confront their own shortcomings when that spark an unlikely friendship

    Alan H. Jordan Penpusher

    There doesn't seem to be much much conflict here. Two insecure people met and strike up a friendship.So what? What are they seeking? What do they have to lose? If I know these things, maybe I'll care.

    There doesn’t seem to be much much conflict here. Two insecure people met and strike up a friendship.So what? What are they seeking? What do they have to lose? If I know these things, maybe I’ll care.

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  3. Posted: July 4, 2022In:

    Homewardsbounsville Chronicles: (Sci-Fi/Sitcom): A con man created as a scientific experiment must return to futuristic School for the Strange, that created him before he destroys modern day St Louis, and in turn himself.

    Alan H. Jordan Penpusher

    I am wondering, "What does he have to lose if St. Louis is destroyed?"

    I am wondering, “What does he have to lose if St. Louis is destroyed?”

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