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When orphan Billy and his friends accidentally land on Carnival Cloud they discover Cloud Surfing, Pirate Kingdoms, Pet Paradise, a school with bully boats, new friends and that anything?s possible…now to find a way home.
Thank-you for our time and thoughts, truly appreciated. Your suggestion re "community of friends that grows into a family" captures the essence as in the first scene they are taken in by the family that run Carnival Cloud (Mum Dad & 2 young children). An element I've removed, after asking my friRead more
Thank-you for our time and thoughts, truly appreciated.
Your suggestion re “community of friends that grows into a family” captures the essence as in the first scene they are taken in by the family that run Carnival Cloud (Mum Dad & 2 young children). An element I’ve removed, after asking my friends & their children which logline (gave them 4) they preferred. I understand they’re not the people that I’d be selling it to though.
Re time limit huge thanks for that it’ll definitely improve it! They have to search for the next rainbow to get back home. Mmm perhaps change of seasons means last chance for rainbows for awhile..or something happening back on the ground he has to be home for…much to work on 🙂
I was thinking an orphan closer to “heaven” (raised in film but not main plot) was ironic. I’ve taken out the word heaven unsure if this would have different connotations but was also concerned it took away clarity.
Again seriously grateful & love your suggestions!
See lessA young African-American woman and her family flee from her violent father in 1960s deep south. Amidst rock star fame in the 1970s, however, she discovers that she may be the very thing she had hated as a child.
What I gain from your logline is a young woman overcomes a hellish childhood & it sounds like she moves her whole family into a better life but then this is threatened when she starts to act like her father and return the family a cycle that could ruin them. A great idea! I agree with the earlieRead more
What I gain from your logline is a young woman overcomes a hellish childhood & it sounds like she moves her whole family into a better life but then this is threatened when she starts to act like her father and return the family a cycle that could ruin them. A great idea! I agree with the earlier replies suggesting being more specific about her character & the defect will create a clearer picture and arouse more interest.
See lessAfter his brother kills a crooked cop in self-defence, an idealistic detective fights for their survival against the entire force, led by his old commanding officer.
I know I'd be in for action and suspense with the clear obstacles then a more personal attachment offered with the brotherly bond. I want to read more.
I know I’d be in for action and suspense with the clear obstacles then a more personal attachment offered with the brotherly bond. I want to read more.
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