1. Posted: September 29, 2015In:

    Down on his luck and fed up with his life in general, a black male is stopped by police in search of a suspect that fits his description.

    cinemachado Penpusher

    I agree with Stevey here. There are too many different directions this could go in. The situation you've described is something that happens every day in America and the whole world. We need you to tell us what makes this character special. What does he finally do when he reaches his tipping point?

    I agree with Stevey here. There are too many different directions this could go in. The situation you’ve described is something that happens every day in America and the whole world. We need you to tell us what makes this character special. What does he finally do when he reaches his tipping point?

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  2. Posted: July 17, 2012In:

    Mark and his team of bar trivia superstars are favored to win the regional invitationals, but when a team of geniuses enters the tournament, Mark must convince his ex-girlfriend to rejoin the team in order to take the big prize.

    cinemachado Penpusher

    You don't have to scrap the story. The one in this movie does not seem to be about convincing an ex to join the team. You should just be aware of that other movie when writing yours. Don't let the fact that someone else is doing a trivia movie discourage you from writing yours. Chances are they areRead more

    You don’t have to scrap the story. The one in this movie does not seem to be about convincing an ex to join the team. You should just be aware of that other movie when writing yours. Don’t let the fact that someone else is doing a trivia movie discourage you from writing yours. Chances are they are completely different. Good luck!

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  3. Posted: July 17, 2012In:

    Mark and his team of bar trivia superstars are favored to win the regional invitationals, but when a team of geniuses enters the tournament, Mark must convince his ex-girlfriend to rejoin the team in order to take the big prize.

    cinemachado Penpusher

    I would refrain from using character names in your logline unless that name helps the audience understand the character. In this stage, it doesn't matter to us that he is named Mark. You're better off using descriptive words to tell us what he is like or what he does for a living. It might also helpRead more

    I would refrain from using character names in your logline unless that name helps the audience understand the character. In this stage, it doesn’t matter to us that he is named Mark. You’re better off using descriptive words to tell us what he is like or what he does for a living. It might also help us understand why he must convince his ex to join if you tell us what her area of trivia expertise is. Otherwise it might all feel a bit… well, trivial.

    My other suggestion is to be aware of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uykl2z_7N_0

    I am not saying you are ripping it off, but you should be aware that it exist so as not to get too close to it.

    Good luck!

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