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  1. Posted: June 16, 2015In: Examples

    When a robbery goes awry a dishevelled brother is found by mentor Nate Williams and put to work in the game, but as eager criminal factions battle for control he must fight to save his community.

    Clint Cure Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    What if you cut out the middle? 'When a robbery goes awry a dishevelled brother must fight to save his community from criminal factions.'

    What if you cut out the middle? ‘When a robbery goes awry a dishevelled brother must fight to save his community from criminal factions.’

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  2. Posted: June 19, 2015In: Public

    A starving gnome terrorizes a Japanese teenager and a bus load of Japanese tourists for their trunk of delicious sushi after their tour bus breaks down in the Canadian wilderness.

    Clint Cure Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Sorry 'When a starving gnome steals...'

    Sorry ‘When a starving gnome steals…’

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  3. Posted: June 19, 2015In: Public

    A starving gnome terrorizes a Japanese teenager and a bus load of Japanese tourists for their trunk of delicious sushi after their tour bus breaks down in the Canadian wilderness.

    Clint Cure Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Maybe this just needs a bit of a rewrite. 'When a starving gnome terrorizes a bus load of Japanese tourists, one boy must... blah blah blah.' or 'When are starving gnome steal sushi from a group of Japanese tourists ....'?

    Maybe this just needs a bit of a rewrite. ‘When a starving gnome terrorizes a bus load of Japanese tourists, one boy must… blah blah blah.’ or ‘When are starving gnome steal sushi from a group of Japanese tourists ….’?

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