1. Posted: February 7, 2018In:

    When a reserved college professor has her work stolen by an egotistical co-worker, she teams up with her assistant, a repo agent and a local tour guide to prevent him from unleashing an ancient demon on the world.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    You?ve buried the story. Try a rewrite like this: To stop the realise of ancient demon a reserved college professor, his assistant, repo agent and a local tour guide team up to get back the professors work that would make the demons release happen. Way too long. Now try and focus on emotion and needRead more

    You?ve buried the story.

    Try a rewrite like this:

    To stop the realise of ancient demon a reserved college professor, his assistant, repo agent and a local tour guide team up to get back the professors work that would make the demons release happen.

    Way too long. Now try and focus on emotion and needs not plot.

    Do a rewrite and unbury the story.

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  2. Posted: February 5, 2018In:

    two elderly ladies rooming together at a nursing home becomes best friends regardless of their odd personalities.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    You should show that they become friends rather than tells. What events does the story tell that shows is their growing friendship. Example Two woman completely different forge a friendship during their battle with their nursing home owner over respect and treatment of the old.

    You should show that they become friends rather than tells.

    What events does the story tell that shows is their growing friendship.

    Example

    Two woman completely different forge a friendship during their battle with their nursing home owner over respect and treatment of the old.

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  3. Posted: January 31, 2018In:

    a lost military runner must team up with a soldier of the warring nation, after splitting with his navigator, in the forest they now intend to cross resourceless, before the lack of intelligence-he must relay-causes more casualties..

    Best Answer
    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Look at the need. ?Lost? & ?separated? have the same impact, you don?t need both. A lost soldier must make is way back with vital intelligence when he encounters an enemy soldier who seems willing to help, until they find weapons. I can?t see the emotion in this. Stuck in no mans land a soldierRead more

    Look at the need. ?Lost? & ?separated? have the same impact, you don?t need both.

    A lost soldier must make is way back with vital intelligence when he encounters an enemy soldier who seems willing to help, until they find weapons.

    I can?t see the emotion in this.

    Stuck in no mans land a soldier finds a lost enemy soldier who is willing to help him get home, until they both find guns causing brotherhood to turn to hatred.

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