1. Posted: August 31, 2016In:

    Nazi spy falls in love with her Allied Target and has 48 hours to rescue him before her sadistic team executes a plot that threatens them both.

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    When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action]. Major event - fall in love Hero - Nazi Spy Obstacle - Sadistic Team/ Clock Must ?- ?Rescue I agree I could?elaborate on the inciting incident to make the hero more clear and sympathetic. How about... A young prodigy caught on the wRead more

    When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action].

    Major event – fall in love
    Hero – Nazi Spy
    Obstacle – Sadistic Team/ Clock
    Must ?- ?Rescue

    I agree I could?elaborate on the inciting incident to make the hero more clear and sympathetic.

    How about…

    A young prodigy caught on the wrong side of the war, ?becomes a spy for the Nazis after witnessing her parent’s death.

    But then it gets a bit wordy when you add in the rest.

    Suggestions?

    Thanks

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  2. Posted: August 27, 2016In:

    A dangerous serial killer is the only survivor in a plane crash, when she was transported to a different prison, she is rescued by tibetans from remote high mountain village. After being treated from her injuries she faces a choice to leave the village or to merry 7 brothers of a family who took care of her, according to their matriarchal tradition.

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    I am still a bit confused by this logline. What is the movie's genre? ? Polygamy?is usually pretty creepy but this feels more romantic and why does she HAVE to accept?the marriage? What is the conflict? You are closer, but as a reader, I still would also ?like to know who is the hero? The Brothers wRead more

    I am still a bit confused by this logline. What is the movie’s genre? ? Polygamy?is usually pretty creepy but this feels more romantic and why does she HAVE to accept?the marriage? What is the conflict?

    You are closer, but as a reader, I still would also ?like to know who is the hero? The Brothers who save her? Or the Serial?killer? ?Currently, I am not rooting for either of them.

    Interesting idea but you still need some re-writing, clarification.

    Good luck!

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  3. Posted: August 27, 2016In:

    In an American West ruled by dinosaurs, a young Teddy Roosevelt goes on an expedition into the Yellowstone to hunt one of the last of the great predators, confronting his and his nation’s destiny.

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    I think it is a fun idea to take dinosaurs out of their traditional setting and mix it up with historical fiction. ?If the story is good, I might ignore the scientific flaws about oxygen ect?mentioned in other reviews. With that said, I don't see the conflict. It's just Teddy Roosevelt going huntingRead more

    I think it is a fun idea to take dinosaurs out of their traditional setting and mix it up with historical fiction. ?If the story is good, I might ignore the scientific flaws about oxygen ect?mentioned in other reviews.

    With that said, I don’t see the conflict. It’s just Teddy Roosevelt going hunting. ?I guess, my advice would be to shorten and add conflict and drama.

    Good Luck!

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