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A genius kid struggles to create a free energy device and getting the girl he likes, before a ruthless businessman condemns the city to obscurity.
It seems like there's a lot of randomly tossed together elements here, or at least a lack of focus. For starters, what's the main driver for the kid... energy drink breakthrough or the girl? Find his flaw and the core of what he wants, and let the rest of the story's circumstances serve that.
It seems like there’s a lot of randomly tossed together elements here, or at least a lack of focus. For starters, what’s the main driver for the kid… energy drink breakthrough or the girl? Find his flaw and the core of what he wants, and let the rest of the story’s circumstances serve that.
See lessWhen a bumbling businessman's necktie is used to strangle the hostess of a lavish party, he must retrieve his tie before he is implicated in the murder. Unfortunately, both the body and the necktie are missing.
I'm not sure "bumbling" is the best description of the protagonist, insofar that the story itself doesn't really connect to a bumbling character having a bumbling to competent arc. Are there some other adjectives that might make a stronger choice for giving a picture of our hero, and why he in partiRead more
I’m not sure “bumbling” is the best description of the protagonist, insofar that the story itself doesn’t really connect to a bumbling character having a bumbling to competent arc. Are there some other adjectives that might make a stronger choice for giving a picture of our hero, and why he in particular is a good fit for the story you want to tell?
See less