1. Posted: December 3, 2013In:

    When a priest is faced with the choice to either save his nieces life or uphold the laws of his religion the devil himself appears to tell him that everything he thought he knew about god and the devil was a lie to begin with.

    dogmatic

    The "why" is a very good point indeed. Unlike the reader, I know what the devil's motives are, but not why he would pick this specific man to satisfy his curiosity. It's something that needs a little tweaking. The credibility is the catch. Of course you would think, the devil is just trying to manipRead more

    The “why” is a very good point indeed. Unlike the reader, I know what the devil’s motives are, but not why he would pick this specific man to satisfy his curiosity. It’s something that needs a little tweaking.

    The credibility is the catch. Of course you would think, the devil is just trying to manipulate you, but your only source of information on that is the devil’s opponent, which in this case would be god. If the devil told you that he’s a liar, would you believe him? If not, you would declare him honest and if yes, you would believe him and by that declare him honest as well. Pondering over the obvious paradoxon would make you end up listening to what he has to say and evaluate, whether you choose to believe him or not. It’s a major sticking point of the whole story.

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  2. Posted: December 2, 2013In:

    An unexperienced musician will prove to his friends that he can succeed in everything he intends, starting by being a male escort.

    dogmatic

    When I read the first line, I think it's about musicians, but when I'm through with the whird line, I ask myself whether the movie is about a young ambitious musician or a young male escort who got way off track. What I'd be interested in, is "why would he want to prove that to his friends?" Did anyRead more

    When I read the first line, I think it’s about musicians, but when I’m through with the whird line, I ask myself whether the movie is about a young ambitious musician or a young male escort who got way off track.

    What I’d be interested in, is “why would he want to prove that to his friends?”
    Did anything happen to trigger the ambition? Does he want to be a band member? Was he rejected? Then why not take a challange that would have to do with being a musician? Or does he just want to show off? Or is it about money?

    I think, just one little piece of additional information or motive would give the whole thing the spice it’s missing.

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  3. Posted: December 3, 2013In:

    A group of friends strive to find the silver lining in their lives without losing their minds.

    dogmatic

    I'm a bit confused. The logline says everything and nothing. I think it's a bit too generic to attract attention. If there's any specific situation that makes the striving either difficult or hilarious or just somewhat special, it would be a good idea to include it somehow, just to give the idea somRead more

    I’m a bit confused. The logline says everything and nothing. I think it’s a bit too generic to attract attention.

    If there’s any specific situation that makes the striving either difficult or hilarious or just somewhat special, it would be a good idea to include it somehow, just to give the idea some recognition value.

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