1. Posted: April 26, 2017In:

    A soldier returns home with a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and a desire to become a professional high stakes poker player, believing it is a safer lifestyle. So she thought.

    dpg Singularity

    As KW ?and Richiev said. ? The logline needs to spell out a specific dramatic problem, a specific threat -- not a vague hint of one. ?As it is, while there's almost too much information (for a logline) about the character there's not enough information what the the plot. ?We know who the story is abRead more

    As KW ?and Richiev said. ?

    The logline needs to spell out a specific dramatic problem, a specific threat — not a vague hint of one. ?As it is, while there’s almost too much information (for a logline) about the character there’s not enough information what the the plot. ?We know who the story is about but not what the story is about.

    The logline needs to provide a specific inciting incident that creates a specific dramatic problem that compels the character to commit to a specific objective goal in order to solve the problem.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: April 25, 2017In:

    When an irresponsible party girl’s father is framed by the mob, leaving her with an estranged 11-year-old to raise, she must fool social services to keep the child and outwit the mob to get her father out of prison.

    dpg Singularity

    I agree with ?Dkpough1. ?It's hard to suspend disbelief on the elements of the premise. ?That a "irresponsible party girl" can immediately wise up to concurrently outwit the mob. ?And beat the legal system. And fool social services. Oh, and also provide for and raise her younger sister.The plot seemRead more

    I agree with ?Dkpough1. ?It’s hard to suspend disbelief on the elements of the premise. ?That a “irresponsible party girl” can immediately wise up to concurrently outwit the mob. ?And beat the legal system. And fool social services.

    Oh, and also provide for and raise her younger sister.

    The plot seems to be juggling too many balls. ?It’s probably better to simplify.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 23, 2017In:

    When a spaceship transporting colonists on a 90 year journey to a distant planet malfunctions causing a passenger to awaken from hibernation early, he must find a way to resume hibernation or die of old age.

    dpg Singularity

    CraigDGriffiths:The fact that we see different "A" stories in the plot is what makes this an interesting movie to discuss in terms of writing a logline. ?Because for most films, I venture ?we would concur as to what is the "A" story and what is the "B" story. ?The "A" story line is obvious, indisputRead more

    CraigDGriffiths:

    The fact that we see different “A” stories in the plot is what makes this an interesting movie to discuss in terms of writing a logline. ?Because for most films, I venture ?we would concur as to what is the “A” story and what is the “B” story. ?The “A” story line is obvious, indisputable. We would differ only as to how to word the description in a logline.

    If the relationship is the “A” story, then the film would be an exception to the conventional rule that loglines should be about a singular protagonist struggling for an objective goal — not about a relationship between 2 characters. I think there ?can be valid exceptions to that rule, particularly for stories belonging to the romantic genre.

    I’m not sure this film is an exception. ?I’m sticking to my interpretation because about 3/4 of the way through the 2nd Act, the technical problem comes roaring back (literally) to the forefront of the story and ?it — not the relationship — creates the ultimate crisis, the worst case scenario, ?that drives the story to its conclusion. ?The guy (and gal) MUST fix the technical problem NOW or perish along with 5,300 ?stakeholders (the crew and passengers still in hibernation).

    Whatever, ?I don’t think the relationship story succeeds. A movie can get away with cheating on the facts and the plot (and this movie certainly does cheat on that score) but it can’t get away with cheating on the emotional truth. ?And I felt that the resolution of the relationship story was a cheat.

    See less
    • 0