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After a 17 year old party-girl?s father is imprisoned, she must find the evidence to clear him before Social Services finds out and takes her 11 year old brother from her.
And since she's only 17, isn't she also liable to being institutionalized herself? And how do the two kids survive on their own?? What's their means of support, of sustenance, safety and shelter?? Isn't mere survival a more pressing problem?? What's the downside of being a ward of social services, aRead more
And since she’s only 17, isn’t she also liable to being institutionalized herself?
And how do the two kids survive on their own?? What’s their means of support, of sustenance, safety and shelter?? Isn’t mere survival a more pressing problem?? What’s the downside of being a ward of social services, anyway, especially compared to living on the mean streets by their own wits?? If social services take her boy, doesn’t that free her up to pursue her goal of exonerating her father?
I just don’t see how social services is her biggest dramatic problem to overcome. Merely surviving on their own would seem to a greater challenge, poses much greater risks.? Oh, and top of that the risks and hazards of finding the witnesses and evidence to exonerate her father.
fwiw
See lessWhile digging a murdered girls grave, the church hired hand unearths a bible from 1500 BC and he soon come to grips that it’s the only one written that?has the 11th Commandment and Honor Thy Children and in an instant is transformed to protect all children or die trying.
This logline has an interesting flip on the 5th commandment that children should honor their parents. But I have a hard time buying into the setup .? ?That the girl was murdered sends mixed signals as to what the story is about, what I can expect -- even fear -- may happen to him if he takes this 11Read more
This logline has an interesting flip on the 5th commandment that children should honor their parents.
But I have a hard time buying into the setup .? ?That the girl was murdered sends mixed signals as to what the story is about, what I can expect — even fear — may happen to him if he takes this 11th commandment seriously.
And why would he believe that this “bible” he has uncovered is no ordinary book, that he must take it’s 11th commandment as a divine mandate?? ?That’s quite a leap of instant faith for the protagonist — and for the audience.
And how does the hunter translate that mandate into — here I go again — a specific objective goal?? IOW: what plot follows from his discovery?
And further: what character flaw or vulnerability of the protagonist does this 11th commandment play into — what conflict does it create in his own life and soul?? Is he’s an “old school”, hard- line, hard-shell fundamentalist who believes that it’s the divine duty of children to blindly honor and obey their parents?
All in all, I think this is an interesting concept in search of solid plot vehicle to take it where it wants to go.
fwiw
See lessWhen a poor man’s truck breaks down, he starts selling bagged smokes to pay the mechanical bill, and soon realizes that he has a very lucrative idea.
The logline is incomplete because it hides the game ball, to wit, the objective goal -- the "lucrative idea" the man will pursue.? ?So a logline reader is left clueless as to what the script is going to be about.This is a common mistake.? Perhaps logline writers think that hiding the game ball is aRead more
The logline is incomplete because it hides the game ball, to wit, the objective goal — the “lucrative idea” the man will pursue.? ?So a logline reader is left clueless as to what the script is going to be about.
This is a common mistake.? Perhaps logline writers think that hiding the game ball is a good way to “strip tease” a movie maker.? Perhaps they think that showing some but holding back the most important element in the plot will lure a producer, director or agent into reading the script.? They will be tempted to want to? find out what’s being deliberately hidden from them? in the logline.
But actually, it’s a counterproductive strategy.? They won’t be tempted.? Instead they’ll be frustrated and offended.? They’ll be less inclined to read the script, not more. When a movie producer, director or agent reads a logline they want to see all the basic elements (as given under “Formula” at the top of the web page).
So the most lucrative idea you can have for this logline is to disclose the lucrative idea the protagonist will pursue.
fwiw
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