If I understand the premise, a merchant knight wants to prevent war because it’s bad for his business.

Well, peace is always a noble cause, but as structured, the story seems to be about a man pursuing it for his own materialistic gain. ?A main character can start out motivated ?for primarily selfish reasons, but those are insufficient goals to maintain an audience’s interest and empathy. ?Ultimately, he should be struggling for some value more important than his profit margin, for the sake of others at the expense of his own bottom line.

And isn’t that what a knight is supposed to do — fight for others, not for himself, ?for causes greater than his own gain?

In any event, as noted, the logline is short on specifics. ?It needs to indicate a specific adversary, the primary character conspiring to break the peace.

Survival is what is at stake. ?And because life or death stakes is always bad for the character, it’s good for the story because it amps up dramatic tension.

But it should not be confused with?the objective goal. For the purpose of a dramatic plot, they are not the same. ?Why? ?Because mere survival is generic — everyone wants to stay alive. ? What distinguishes one life-or-death film from another is not the desire to live, but HOW the character struggles to survive. ?The how is the objective goal, a plan, scheme, a course of action to not just live but to defeat/destroy the threat.

In both Alien and Aliens, Ridley (and everyone else) is in mortal danger of become?hosts for the next generation of aliens.? Obviously, they want to ?live. So in both movies Ripely develops a specific plan, an objective goal to stay alive: evacuate ?and nuke the facility to not merely live but also kill the alien. ? And HOW the plan is executed is what makes the movies so compelling, and Ridley such a strong character.

(And actually, in Alien, evacuate and nuke is Plan “B”. ?Plan “A” — the original objective goal of the crew is to systematically sweep the ship and capture the infant alien.??But when Plan “A” fails, ?Ripley devises Plan “B”, another objective goal.)

So what’s your character’s plan Plan “A” once he realizes that his life is in mortal danger?

Solving the mysterious murder, while it seems to be integral to your story, ?unnecessarily clutters up the logline. ?Isn’t one of the reveals, that the “paranormal forces” is the cause of the mysterious murder? ?Case it solved at that point, ?right? ?End of story, end of film, FADE OUT to screen credits, right?

Well, if I’m deciphering the logline right, that’s not the end of the film. ?It’s probably ?a mid-story reveal. ?The real plot is what the protagonist must do after he realizes this “paranormal force” killed and will kill again.

And if, given the nature of the paranormal, the threat can’t be destroyed then Plan “A” or “B” or “C” is to at least put the evil “genie” back in the lamp, or in this case the video where it lay dormant, trapped for ?50 years. ?Which ?keeps options open for a sequel, a franchise. ?And that’s the potential I can see in this story. ?

But first things first.