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  1. Posted: November 15, 2015In: Examples

    After a neurotic accountant tells a failing Broadway producer he can scam investors with a flop. He searches for the worst script and worst director to stage a play with the hopes it closes on its opening week, only to discover a hit. The Producers

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 17, 2015 at 8:43 am

    When a milquetoast accountant explains to a washed-up Jewish producer how to make a fortune by producing a flop, the two partner up to produce a Broadway show guaranteed to bomb, a romantic musical about Hitler. (36 words)It seems to me that the juicy bait on the hook of the story -- how to win bigRead more

    When a milquetoast accountant explains to a washed-up Jewish producer how to make a fortune by producing a flop, the two partner up to produce a Broadway show guaranteed to bomb, a romantic musical about Hitler. (36 words)

    It seems to me that the juicy bait on the hook of the story — how to win big at the bank by losing big at the box-office — is that that a romantic musical about Hitler is not being produced by an anti-Semite but by a Jew. (And now? I can’t get the lyrics for “Springtime for Hitler” out of my head.)? So I don’t think the logline needs to have? the plot twist, that the guaranteed flop becomes a smash hit and now they’re facing financial ruin and jail.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: November 17, 2015In: Thriller

    After a terror attack, the highly decorated FBI lead investigator finds his only son was the mastermind. He must choose between giving up his son or protecting him

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 17, 2015 at 8:08 am

    The logline sets up a situation -- but, alas,? not a plot.? Unless the plot is that after the father discovers at the end of Act 1 that his son masterminded a terror attack, he agonizes for the next 60 + pages/minutes? over what to do about it.? The plot is all about him not being able to make up hiRead more

    The logline sets up a situation — but, alas,? not a plot.? Unless the plot is that after the father discovers at the end of Act 1 that his son masterminded a terror attack, he agonizes for the next 60 + pages/minutes? over what to do about it.? The plot is all about him not being able to make up his mind until Act 3.? How exciting is that?

    Or is it the more likely scenario that after he finds out, events will compel him to quickly decide what to do at the start of Act 2?? So what must he urgently decide to do when he finds out — and what are the consequences that follow?

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  3. Posted: November 16, 2015In: SciFi

    A man comes into the possession of a time traveling device which he uses to help himself rob a bank.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 17, 2015 at 12:53 am

    The? logline sets up a situation for a potential plot, but it doesn't fulfill a logline's primary purpose which is to succinctly sketch a plot.? So the time traveling machine is supposed to make it easy -- a sure thing --? for him to rob a bank, right?? Then what's the protagonist's dramatic problemRead more

    The? logline sets up a situation for a potential plot, but it doesn’t fulfill a logline’s primary purpose which is to succinctly sketch a plot.? So the time traveling machine is supposed to make it easy — a sure thing –? for him to rob a bank, right?? Then what’s the protagonist’s dramatic problem? Who or what threatens to defeat his get-rich-quick-and-easy scheme?

    And what’s at stake?? Which is to ask:? why does he want to rob a bank and why should the audience root for him to succeed? (Or should they?)

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