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  1. Posted: November 18, 2015In: Thriller

    A young homicide detective is obsessive about her first case upon finding evidence identical to her mother?s murder fifteen years earlier – until the killer strikes at her.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 19, 2015 at 7:46 am

    A mystery turns into a nightmare when a rookie detective realizes a murder case matches the murder of her mother 15 years ago. (25 words) Or with the plot twist: A mystery turns into a nightmare when a rookie detective realizes a murder case matches the murder of her mother 15 years ago -- and the kRead more

    A mystery turns into a nightmare when a rookie detective realizes a murder case matches the murder of her mother 15 years ago.
    (25 words)

    Or with the plot twist:

    A mystery turns into a nightmare when a rookie detective realizes a murder case matches the murder of her mother 15 years ago — and the killer is stalking her.
    (32 words)

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  2. Posted: November 18, 2015In: Comedy

    A trio of combat veterans find solace in helping others leave their relationships

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 19, 2015 at 3:34 am

    This is a potentially interesting idea.? Maybe.? Or maybe not.? I'm not sure.? The logline is too general; it fails to convey the sense of the idea you are promoting on your Twitter account-- at least that's my impression.What do these "combat veterans" do?? Are they professional proxies, messengersRead more

    This is a potentially interesting idea.? Maybe.? Or maybe not.? I’m not sure.? The logline is too general; it fails to convey the sense of the idea you are promoting on your Twitter account– at least that’s my impression.

    What do these “combat veterans” do?? Are they professional proxies, messengers of? bad news about relationships that people don’t have the courage to give? the bad news in person?? Or are they life-coaches, guiding people into making the hard decisions, the tough calls themselves?

    And who among them is the alpha-character, the protagonist who thought up the idea, who organizes and runs the business?

    And what’s the plot?? The logline, such as it is, establishes a general situation for a plot, but it doesn’t perform the prime imperative of a logline which is to delineate a plot.? As a result of setting up this “break up business”, what particular dramatic complication arises?? What becomes the protagonist’s objective goal?? Who/what opposes him?? What’s at stake?

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  3. Posted: November 18, 2015In: SciFi

    A pristine teen that gets taken away from her parents by a rogue organization which use children as test subjects, tries to escape before she gets sent off to a notorious section of the organizations testing facilities.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 18, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    As noted, the logline lacks specificity in regards to the exact nature of the threat. Also, the the logline is,uh, grammatically challenging. Pristine is not usually used to describe a person.? "a teen that..." should read "a teen who..." A? "rogue organization which use.." should read "rogue organiRead more

    As noted, the logline lacks specificity in regards to the exact nature of the threat.

    Also, the the logline is,uh, grammatically challenging. Pristine is not usually used to describe a person.? “a teen that…” should read “a teen who…” A? “rogue organization which use..” should read “rogue organization which uses…” And “organizations testing facilities” should? read “organization’s testing facilities..”

    You only have one chance to make a good 1st impression. Bad grammar makes? a bad impression, gives logline readers all the excuse they need to decline reading a script.

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