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  1. Posted: October 6, 2014In: Public

    A disillusioned nuclear missile silo officer, yearning for job satisfaction, gets more than he bargained for when Earth is occupied by alien invaders and saving mankind means destroying Washington DC.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 9, 2014 at 11:11 am

    And make it a crisis shared with his shift partner, a female officer. That's the obvious and more realistic go-to for the "B" story. Considering the layers of security around each silo, it's not likely that an outsider could get anywhere close enough to beseech shelter from the storming aliens. AndRead more

    And make it a crisis shared with his shift partner, a female officer. That’s the obvious and more realistic go-to for the “B” story. Considering the layers of security around each silo, it’s not likely that an outsider could get anywhere close enough to beseech shelter from the storming aliens.

    And mixed-sex shift partners get into affairs all the time.

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  2. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 9, 2014 at 2:14 am

    Nir, Thanks for the clarification. What hooked my interest, my enthusiasm, what I think will sell the story is the central premise: a woman in deep debt to a loan shark hires a man to kill her so her family can collect the life insurance only to have him fall in love with her and refuse to do it. IRead more

    Nir,

    Thanks for the clarification.

    What hooked my interest, my enthusiasm, what I think will sell the story is the central premise: a woman in deep debt to a loan shark hires a man to kill her so her family can collect the life insurance only to have him fall in love with her and refuse to do it.

    I think it’s a winner.

    The corporate subplot — whatever. It doesn’t hook my interest, doesn’t make me enthusiastic. (Others’ mileage may vary.) It seems to me you’ve got enough raw material for a solid story without it. But if it complements and works well with the “A” story, go for it.

    But I would not advise cluttering up the logline with the corporate complications. Save it for the pitch. Ideally, a logline should KISS (Keep It Simple…Shelter)

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  3. Posted: September 7, 2014In: Public

    When an out of work teacher is given a deadline by a loan shark, he contracts a hit-man on himself so his family can collect on his life insurance. However after he befriends the hit-man they decide to fake his death instead.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 9, 2014 at 2:14 am

    Nir, Thanks for the clarification. What hooked my interest, my enthusiasm, what I think will sell the story is the central premise: a woman in deep debt to a loan shark hires a man to kill her so her family can collect the life insurance only to have him fall in love with her and refuse to do it. IRead more

    Nir,

    Thanks for the clarification.

    What hooked my interest, my enthusiasm, what I think will sell the story is the central premise: a woman in deep debt to a loan shark hires a man to kill her so her family can collect the life insurance only to have him fall in love with her and refuse to do it.

    I think it’s a winner.

    The corporate subplot — whatever. It doesn’t hook my interest, doesn’t make me enthusiastic. (Others’ mileage may vary.) It seems to me you’ve got enough raw material for a solid story without it. But if it complements and works well with the “A” story, go for it.

    But I would not advise cluttering up the logline with the corporate complications. Save it for the pitch. Ideally, a logline should KISS (Keep It Simple…Shelter)

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    • Share
      Share
      • Share on Facebook
      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
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