1. Posted: August 17, 2013In:

    When a governmental Space Station gets taken by a terrorist organisation, its headstrong Chief Architect must escape upon learning that the terrorists have also kidnapped her disabled husband back on earth.

    dpg Singularity

    >>> ... a sin Good point. At least, as perceived by the Terrorists. They must believe they have a just cause, a good reason for their action. And if the protagonist is "headstrong" than she's blinded herself to the moral/environmental/whatever transgression.

    >>> … a sin

    Good point. At least, as perceived by the Terrorists. They must believe they have a just cause, a good reason for their action. And if the protagonist is “headstrong” than she’s blinded herself to the moral/environmental/whatever transgression.

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  2. Posted: August 16, 2013In:

    When a village is plagued by beetles that eat colour, an artist grieving the loss of his daughter ventures into the nearby jungle to save a flower which is the only source of a certain shade of blue.

    dpg Singularity

    nicholasandrewhalls: Re: protagonist definitely needs to be described as grieving to explain the thematic link between his inner journey and the stakes of the story. Okay, that works well for enriching the WHY of the plot. But because of word constraints, triage must prevail in loglines. And my sensRead more

    nicholasandrewhalls:

    Re: protagonist definitely needs to be described as grieving to explain the thematic link between his inner journey and the stakes of the story.

    Okay, that works well for enriching the WHY of the plot. But because of word constraints, triage must prevail in loglines. And my sense of the triage is a logline first and foremost must focus on the outer journey, objective, material issues.

    What objective goal does you protagonist want to achieve? (Save an exotic plant). What are the objective stakes? (Before it goes extinct.)

    It is also my sense of the stern but necessary triage that loglines are usually more effective when the story is cast with the protagonist looking forward (the present and future), rather than backward (grief about the past). When the action is cast affirmatively (save the plant) rather than negatively (grieving).

    Again, it is my sense of the triage for loglines that objective, present tense issues almost always take precedent over subjective, past tense issues. However, if you can say it all in 25 words or less, more power.

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: August 16, 2013In:

    When a lonely, middle-aged Aussie long-distance truckie finds love online with a city girl, he must overcome his fear of losing what he loves most to win her heart.

    dpg Singularity

    Louise Weihart: I'm afraid at the moment, I have more questions that answers. For one thing, I don't see the truck as an antagonist. Rather, it's a device that enables/facilitates his dramatic flaw, just as the jet enables/facilitates Bingham's dramatic flaw. (In "Up in the Air", Bingham's antagonisRead more

    Louise Weihart:

    I’m afraid at the moment, I have more questions that answers. For one thing, I don’t see the truck as an antagonist. Rather, it’s a device that enables/facilitates his dramatic flaw, just as the jet enables/facilitates Bingham’s dramatic flaw. (In “Up in the Air”, Bingham’s antagonist is Natalie Keener with her scheme to fire employees remotely, eliminating Bingham’s frequent flyer lifestyle.)

    So that raises the question: who is the antagonist? A rival for her affections? Someone at work with a grand scheme that threatens the guy’s freedom of the road? (And what is the nature of his freedom of the road: short haul or long haul? Does he transport cross country or just around a city?)

    Another question: As the love story in your script is the primary narrative, “A” story, instead of the secondary narrative, “B” story (as in “Up in the Air”), would it make sense in terms of balancing out the relationship story that she has to make an equivalent sacrifice? If so, what might she have to give up for him?

    fwiw.

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