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  1. Posted: May 19, 2013In: Public

    The streets made him, the Army changed him, and life forced him back into a world he left behind and taught him how to let go of the past.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 19, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Yep. It's a tagline, not a logline. It doesn't tell me anything about the story.

    Yep. It’s a tagline, not a logline. It doesn’t tell me anything about the story.

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  2. Posted: May 19, 2013In: Public

    A mother's confession tells a young man that he has an older brother, but this older brother is in a gang; the young man must find a way into his brother's heart while breaking the hold the gang has over the older brother.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 19, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    >>the young man must find a way into his brother's heart while breaking the hold the gang has over the older brother. Why MUST he find his brother? And after he finds him, WHY does he take it upon himself to rescue his brother?

    >>the young man must find a way into his brother’s heart while breaking the hold the gang has over the older brother.

    Why MUST he find his brother? And after he finds him, WHY does he take it upon himself to rescue his brother?

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  3. Posted: May 19, 2013In: Public

    A prominent businessman must play with an insane kidnapper a 20 questions game to find and save his wife.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 19, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    All I need to know in 19 words. My only quibble is word order. Suggest: "A prominent businessman must play a 20 questions game with an insane kidnapper to find and save his wife."

    All I need to know in 19 words.

    My only quibble is word order. Suggest: “A prominent businessman must play a 20 questions game with an insane kidnapper to find and save his wife.”

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