1. Posted: June 14, 2019In:

    In a dystopian right wing world. A terrorist group is planting boxes holding either cash or explosives, opening it makes you rich or dead. A poor man and his friend find one and try to figure out what to do.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    How about something like:Participants in a reality TV show have two hours to find and disarm a timer attached to 'trick or treat' boxes. When the timer reaches zero, either a lethal bomb explodes or acid dissolves a million dollars.(37 words)I think it? enhances the stakes if there's the possibilityRead more

    How about something like:

    Participants in a reality TV show have two hours to find and disarm a timer attached to ‘trick or treat’ boxes. When the timer reaches zero, either a lethal bomb explodes or acid dissolves a million dollars.

    (37 words)
    I think it? enhances the stakes if there’s the possibility of the money being lost as well as their lives.? And unlike the original logline,? it has an explicit sense of urgency, a ticking clock.

    This would work as an ensemble film with the? climax and outcomes for all the characters being revealed in the final moments.? (And maybe they work in teams, too, so there can be? plenty of frantic and angry dialogue.

    How many characters will the story need?? Well, here are possible outcomes:

    Fail to disarm the timer:? “Boom!” — a bomb kills the player
    Fail to disarm the timer:? “Boom!” — a bomb explodes, but the player scrambles away just in time to survive (wounded).
    Successfully disarm the timer:? No “Boom!” —? there’s no bomb — but there’s no money either.
    Fail to disarm the timer:? Acid released, dissolving the money.? At least the player has the consolation prize of still being alive.
    Successfully disarm the timer:? No bomb, no acid released? – the player wins the grand prize

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 14, 2019In:

    After years of watching from the wings, a determined young artist sets out to make her place on the world?s stage..

    dpg Singularity

    I agree with the others.? Don't drop the word "wallflower".? But do include an inciting incident and a specific objective goal.

    I agree with the others.? Don’t drop the word “wallflower”.? But do include an inciting incident and a specific objective goal.

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  3. Posted: June 14, 2019In:

    On the eve of her final night at an urgent care center, an opiate-dependent nurse practitioner must overcome her addiction to fight off a gang of violent teen junkies, fiending for the stash of narcotics.

    dpg Singularity

    sek505:Thanks for the clarifications.? Okay, here's some notes based upon my understanding of your premise.As explained in "Our Formula", the basic logline has three elements: 1] An inciting incident that triggers a 2] a protagonist to 3] struggle for a specific objective goal.Therefore,? "On the evRead more

    sek505:

    Thanks for the clarifications.? Okay, here’s some notes based upon my understanding of your premise.

    As explained in “Our Formula”, the basic logline has three elements: 1] An inciting incident that triggers a 2] a protagonist to 3] struggle for a specific objective goal.

    Therefore,? “On the eve of her final night at an urgent care center” is not an inciting incident.? It’s a situation, a context for the inciting incident.? The inciting incident is the attack.? (And usually, the logline lead offs with the inciting incident.? In this logline it’s buried at the end.)

    Further. “must overcome her addiction”? is not an objective goal;? rather it is? a complication to achieving her goal.? (And technically, she can’t overcome her addiction in merely 90 minutes — the best she do is prevail in spite of her addiction, in spite of being under the influence of the opiate.)

    So what is her objective goal when the teens attack?? ?Or looking at the plot from the pov of the kids, what is their objective goal?? Is it to attack her — or to get the drugs.? If they’re addicts, then? isn’t their dramatic want? to get the drugs?

    So why? doesn’t she just give them drugs they want?? (Which, come to think about it, is a two-fer: it not only spares her from being attacked, it also removes a temptation.)? ?If the teens get what they want, won’t they just flee the scene of their crime?

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