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When a misguided and socially frustrated young Muslim is manipulated online by a violent female imposter this nerve-shredding urban drama constructs a series of events that entwines the stringent crimes of some of modern societies most deviant personalities.
As Richiev said.? The industry standard is to compose the logline from the point of view of the protagonist. And in this instance, "... a series of events...."? is general, uninformative.? We have no idea what the protagonist's objective goal becomes as a result of being manipulated. Indeed as curreRead more
As Richiev said.? The industry standard is to compose the logline from the point of view of the protagonist.
And in this instance, “… a series of events….”? is general, uninformative.? We have no idea what the protagonist’s objective goal becomes as a result of being manipulated. Indeed as currently framed, the main character is more puppet than protagonist, more acted upon than acting.? For better or worse, a protagonist must be proactive, not reactive, not responding to the actions and influences of others.
Consult? the “Our formula” link at the top of the web page for the guidelines for writing an industry standard logline.
See lessA clever teenager hacks a military computer to play a nuclear war game only to trigger the computer into preparing to “play” a real nuclear war.
Valentin:Yes, indeed, the? MPR (mind point reversal) entails a complete change of the protagonist's objective goal from what it was at the end of Act 1.? And the teenager actually makes 2 discoveries in the course of the MPR:? 1]The system is still planning to go to war.? And then, 2] The system's dRead more
Valentin:
Yes, indeed, the? MPR (mind point reversal) entails a complete change of the protagonist’s objective goal from what it was at the end of Act 1.? And the teenager actually makes 2 discoveries in the course of the MPR:? 1]The system is still planning to go to war.? And then, 2] The system’s designer didn’t die after all; he just retired and became a recluse resigned to humanity eventually going to hell and extinction in a nuclear holocaust.
So what should the logline include for a plot that involves an MPR the creates a new objective goal?? On the original goal, the ultimate goal as a result of the MPR?? Both?
At 35 words, I think your version is an improvement of my version 1.0 in terms of clarifying the protagonist’s struggle.? But? I think it can be trimmed a bit.? The way I see it,? being in custody is one hurdle he must overcome in order to pursue his objective goal of finding Steven Falken, the system designer.? It provides an opportunity to showcase to the audience just how clever he is.? But I don’t think the logline needs to be cluttered up? and lengthened with it.? The focus should be on the ultimate goal — not any particular intermediate complication to achieving it.
So here’s my version 2.0
When a clever teenager hacker inadvertently triggers the U.S. nuclear launch missile system into war mode, he must locate and? persuade the reclusive, enigmatic system designer to help him stop the countdown.
(32 words)
I included the words “help him” because in drama, while the protagonist can certainly have help and guidance,? he isn’t supposed to subcontract the final solution to some one else.? Or to mangle a metaphor, he’s not supposed to pass the baton off to someone else to cross the finish line.? He must solve the problem, finish the race himself.
And that is certainly how it plays out in “War Games”.? Even? At the climax, it’s the teenager — not Falken — who figures out the solution to the crisis he set in motion.
fwiw
See lessA clever teenager hacks a military computer to play a nuclear war game only to trigger the computer into preparing to “play” a real nuclear war.
Karel: >>>>But it doesn?t promise me a full story.Yes -- but...Yes:? A too common problem with spec loglines is that they set up initial situations that offer so many possible objective goals for the protagonist to choose from. It is essential for the logline to specify which one the proRead more
Karel:
>>>>But it doesn?t promise me a full story.
Yes — but…
Yes😕 A too common problem with spec loglines is that they set up initial situations that offer so many possible objective goals for the protagonist to choose from. It is essential for the logline to specify which one the protagonist selects.
But: in this case, what other possible objective goal is there for the protagonist than to stop the computer before it’s too late?
That said, I concede that for a spec script by a newbie, it is paramount that the logline deliver a fully fleshed out plot. As Woody Allen says, “Good ideas are a dime a dozen: ‘It’s the then what?’ that kills you.” For loglines, the “then what” is the objective goal that follows from the inciting incident, that drives the plot. And, imho, the failure to spell out an objective goal is what kills a lot of loglines.
>>what the challenges are exactly in Act 2
The obstacle for the protagonist is that after he’s arrested, nobody will let him near a keyboard. He isn’t allowed to interact with the computer until Act 3 –after he persuades Steven Falken, the man designed the computer “war game”, to come out of self-imposed retirement. (Falken is the character with the subjective problem; he must overcome his existential fatalism, his resignation to an inevitable nuclear apocalypse.)
>>>Is there an MPR?
Funny you should ask! I’ve been binge watching my favorite and most familiar movies to study the MPR (Midpoint Reversal), to figure out how it’s set up, what happens.
In “War Games” I have tentatively assigned the MPR beat to the 61st minute, just past the 1/2 way point in terms of total viewing time. At that moment, the teenage protagonist discovers that the computer program is still “playing” the game, that it is counting down (ticking clock!) to the moment when it will launch nuclear every nuclear missle in the US arsenal. For real.
Up until this discovery, his immediate objective goal has been defensive, to convince the adults that he is not a Soviet spy, that he made an honest mistake. He is in reactive mode rather than proactive.
But after the discovery, he flips (reversal) into proactive mode with a new (reversal) objective goal.? He must stop the computer program before time runs out.
Classic Aristotle:? Anagnorsis (discovery or recognition) leads to Peripeteia (reversal of fortune or intention).
variable:
While Nir’s version certainly does conform to the standard formula, I believe my version? more accurately states the dramatic problem? ?We just see this film differently.? That happens. ?As I noted? 95%+ of the time we are? in total agreement.? And in those rare instances when we aren’t, it’s an opportunity for friendly and fertile discussion.
(BTW,? as I assume you noticed, my 1st version of a logline? for the movie “Black Book” inaccurately represented the plot.? Having not seen the movie, I relied on? the summary and reviews at IMDB.? ?Then I viewed the movie and offered a revised, more accurate logline.? I? thank you for bringing the movie to my attention.? Because teasing out a logline? was instructive given how the plot unfolds is, well, somewhat problematical.]
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