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  1. Posted: April 27, 2018In: Horror

    ?When an outspoken minister offends a pagan tribe, he and his missionaries are forced prove the power of their religion by spending twenty four hours deep within a cursed area of the tribe?s forest where no one has ever lasted past the night!?

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 27, 2018 at 10:44 pm

    The? commercial success of a horror flick is contingent on the nature of the danger the characters face, the quality of the evil that makes it so horrible? -- and so interesting. Therefore, the story hook in the logline has to feature the horror.? It doesn't have to give away every detail.? But it dRead more

    The? commercial success of a horror flick is contingent on the nature of the danger the characters face, the quality of the evil that makes it so horrible? — and so interesting. Therefore, the story hook in the logline has to feature the horror.? It doesn’t have to give away every detail.? But it does have to suggest that the script? is going to deliver the goods, that is is going to have a horror that? is different, unique from other horror stories.? I? am not yet persuaded from this logline that the script delivers the goods because I have no general sense of what the horror is that the missionary will encounter.? Will he just disappear? Or die?? And if he dies,? how?? From a viral infection?? From a strange beast?? From tribal ghosts?? From boredom?

    Furthermore, the objective goal of the missionary protagonist needs to be clarified.? ?And the stakes.? ?What’s the point of proving the power of his religion?? Isn’t it to convert the tribe?? Therefore, isn’t that his objective goal?? Isn’t the ordeal in the jungle the means to that end?? ?The stakes are that if he can survive the night, then the the tribe will convert.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: April 24, 2018In: SciFi

    ?An advanced alien race threatens to enslave Earth in the 1500?s and humanity?s last hope lies in the unproven inventions of an Italian Renaissance artist who holds a dark secret.?

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 26, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    >>>reminds them a lot like the movie ?Cowboys and Aliens?. Not sure if that?s good or bad.That depends. The story hook for "Cowboys and Aliens" is that an alien invasion is set in the past instead of the present. So it's bad in that setting your story in the past is not exactly a new twistRead more

    >>>reminds them a lot like the movie ?Cowboys and Aliens?. Not sure if that?s good or bad.

    That depends. The story hook for “Cowboys and Aliens” is that an alien invasion is set in the past instead of the present. So it’s bad in that setting your story in the past is not exactly a new twist on the alien invasion trope.

    However, it’s good in that the protagonist is the Renaissance genius, Leonard da Vinci, a polymath.? So the success of the story hinges on how well you develop the character, how ingenious his solutions are.

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  3. Posted: April 24, 2018In: Comedy

    when his highschool bully returns, a stuck-in-home-town loser must prove his competence by kicking his ass in the duel he proposed and save his family name

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 25, 2018 at 11:39 pm

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully -- instead of run away -- if he's going to impress her. "Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman." -- George Balanchine fwiw

    Suggestion:? the inciting incident is the new girl in town whom he falls in love with.? So he has to stand up to the bully — instead of run away — if he’s going to impress her.

    “Whatever a man does, he does for his ideal woman.” — George Balanchine

    fwiw

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