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Logline (for 6 part series) An incompetent klutz but competent council lawyer, wants his uncle to name his as the next mafia boss so he can get girls but he needs to show he knows how to make money and can run a business. Logline for pilot When his uncle and Stepfather want a new council building, the council lawyer to impress his Mafia uncle and take over his uncle?s mafia empire , introduces parking fines but must deal with the problems that these cause.
At 80 words, this logline is w-a-y too long . Please review the guidelines under "Our formula".? With loglines, less is more.
At 80 words, this logline is w-a-y too long . Please review the guidelines under “Our formula”.?
With loglines, less is more.
See lessWhen a businessman sells up to recover from debilitating injury, he embarks on an apparently simple quest to trace the origin of a family heirloom.
I don't see? a clear cause-and-effect relationship between the injury and the quest for the heirloom.? ? And? there is no "must"? in the plot.? No compelling reason, no sense of urgency as to why he must find the heirloom -- or else.?Or else:? what's at stake, what does he stand to loose if he doesnRead more
I don’t see? a clear cause-and-effect relationship between the injury and the quest for the heirloom.? ? And? there is no “must”? in the plot.? No compelling reason, no sense of urgency as to why he must find the heirloom — or else.?
Or else:? what’s at stake, what does he stand to loose if he doesn’t find the heirloom?? ?What does he stand to gain if he does?
(And should it be “sell out” rather than “sell up”?? That phrase needs clarification.)
See lessAfter accidentally reviving a teenage MUMMY, a young archaeologist must fight the freed DARK FORCES who want the MUMMY to turn evil and cause annihilation.
Seems to me the mummy is the more interesting character.? And a more natural, or should I say unnatural, candidate for the role of the protagonist.Because, the mummy has the subjective/ internal as well as objective/external struggle.? While the archaeologist only seems to have an objective/externalRead more
Seems to me the mummy is the more interesting character.? And a more natural, or should I say unnatural, candidate for the role of the protagonist.
Because, the mummy has the subjective/ internal as well as objective/external struggle.? While the archaeologist only seems to have an objective/external struggle.? The mummy seems to “own” the? dramatic problem, the “dark forces” — not the archaeologist.
What’s the archaeologist’s character’s arc?? What subjective issue must he overcome in order to prevail?
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