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  1. Posted: March 27, 2018In: Comedy

    When a broke musician is accidentally locked in a wine cellar with a rich beautiful socialite, he desperately attempts to woo her (and her wealth) before somebody comes to their rescue.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 28, 2018 at 8:11 am

    While an impoverished musician and a rich socialite are accidentally and briefly trapped a wine cellar, he stokes his courage with wine in order to ask her for a date. (30 words)Or some such.? My point is that if you're going to trap them in a wine cellar, then use the situation in the logline (andRead more

    While an impoverished musician and a rich socialite are accidentally and briefly trapped a wine cellar, he stokes his courage with wine in order to ask her for a date.
    (30 words)

    Or some such.? My point is that if you’re going to trap them in a wine cellar, then use the situation in the logline (and plot), use the booze.? Otherwise the wine cellar is a throw away, a? wasted opportunity for comedy. Might as well trap them in a malfunctioning elevator instead.

    I’m invoking a dramatic principle on that point known as “Chekhov’s Gun”.? It’s named after the great Russian dramatist Anton Chekhov, who stated that “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired.? Otherwise don’t put it there.”

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 27, 2018In: Examples

    When a local bank heist goes haywire with hostages, two clumsy friends have to run against the clock in to avoid going to jail. – Dog Day Afternoon

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 28, 2018 at 12:57 am

    My take:Based upon real events, when a married man's bank robbery to pay for his male lover's sex change operation goes awry, he uses hostages to negotiate his freedom. (28 words)The story hook isn't the bank robbery.? The story hook is that a married man has a gay lover and his motivation is to payRead more

    My take:

    Based upon real events, when a married man’s bank robbery to pay for his male lover’s sex change operation goes awry, he uses hostages to negotiate his freedom.
    (28 words)

    The story hook isn’t the bank robbery.? The story hook is that a married man has a gay lover and his motivation is to pay for his lover’s sex change operation.? Married man with a gay lover? Sex change operation? In the 70’s –the movie was released in 1975 — this was shocking.? ?Shocking!? And an irresistible story for the director Sidney Lumet.

    Also, truth is stranger than fiction, and I believe in? loglines and script pitches,? fact sells better than fiction.? Which is why I prefer to lead off with “Based upon real events…”, or “The true story of…”

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  3. Posted: March 27, 2018In: Action

    When a vindictive cyber terrorist is fatally wounded, an arrogant gamer must complete a video game built using the suspect’s mind to retrieve stolen nuclear codes before they die.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 27, 2018 at 9:54 pm

    Yes, I, too, found it confusing to sort who is who and what's at stake.So what that he stole the codes? The codes reside in his mind and he's going to die which ends the risk of them being used.? So, problem solved?

    Yes, I, too, found it confusing to sort who is who and what’s at stake.

    So what that he stole the codes? The codes reside in his mind and he’s going to die which ends the risk of them being used.? So, problem solved?

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