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A couple take up rock climbing to work out their trust issues, but when they witness a murder half way up a 200 meter cliff, they become the killers next targets and must work together to get out alive.
The logline sets up a couple with trust issues, then thrusts them into a situation where they must trust each other in order to survive.? Rock climbing is a fully adequate setup for a life or death situation.? What dramatic point is served by injecting a "daemon ex? machina"? that is, a? seemingly cRead more
The logline sets up a couple with trust issues, then thrusts them into a situation where they must trust each other in order to survive.? Rock climbing is a fully adequate setup for a life or death situation.? What dramatic point is served by injecting a “daemon ex? machina”? that is, a? seemingly contrived, unforeshadowed complication in the form of a killer into the story?? A killer whose original intention is to kill someone else — not them.
It doesn’t ring true emotionally that they wouldn’t trust each other when? it’s a matter of life or death.? (The bonding power of shared adversity has been amply demonstrated by soldiers [and civilians] in times of war.) So it seems to me that the trust issue is somewhat of a red herring, at least in terms of the conflict in the 2nd Act — half or more of the script.?
Their survival isn’t contingent on their willingness to trust each other– trapped on the ledge, they have no choice in the matter.? IOW:? the matter of trust is not a true dramatic dilemma because it is a pivotal dramatic issue that doesn’t really matter when it should matter most.
Their survival is contingent on other factors external to their troubled relationship and beyond their control, like the killer’s intentions and marksmanship.
What is the story about anyway?
See lessLOYAL ENEMIES: A slick grifter uses his sexuality to convince a wealthy, lonely socialite to back him in a high stakes poker game. He soon finds the deck stacked against him.
>>>?He soon finds the deck stacked against him. As if we should care? The logline gives us no reason to root for him or even be curious to see if he can win.
>>>?He soon finds the deck stacked against him.
As if we should care? The logline gives us no reason to root for him or even be curious to see if he can win.
See lessA smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.
>>but quickly discovered it has been done before.For instance?>>>?When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice aRead more
>>but quickly discovered it has been done before.
For instance?
>>>?When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.?
Frankly — one reader’s opinion — I’m not (yet) sold on the plot.? But I was sold on the hook of face blindness from the first reading.? Even though I believe it’s a story hook that may be challenging for a logline reader to swallow and digest.?
Plot issues aside,? I suggest you consider polishing the logline in two respects: 1] The ideal word length for a logline is 25 words.? Your latest iteration is 39 words long.? ?2] The story hook should either lead off or be the? concluding “button” or punch phrase .? In this iteration, the story hook –face blindness — is buried n the middle.
>>> I like the idea that the face blindness causes/represents a deeper moral flaw, e.g. misanthropy or callousness.
Which is the chicken, which is the egg?? Does the face blindness cause his callousness — or does it enable it?
fwiw
See less