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Desperate to keep her sister out of the drug trade a jaded girl makes one last drug run for her dealer who has set her up for a hit mistakenly suspecting she is a confidential informant.
When I read the logline I'm confused. ?Her objective to goal is to keep her sister from getting involved in the drug trade.... by getting involved in the drug trade herself (one last time).Say what??How will ?running drugs save her sister from the getting involved in the drug trade? ?What's the causRead more
When I read the logline I’m confused. ?Her objective to goal is to keep her sister from getting involved in the drug trade…. by getting involved in the drug trade herself (one last time).
Say what??How will ?running drugs save her sister from the getting involved in the drug trade? ?What’s the cause-and-effect relationship here?
Or, to put it another way, what is the inciting incident that provokes the protagonist into believing she must do this drug run to prevent her sister from getting involved?
See lessAfter sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.
Ah, yes, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", a classic, one of my all-time favorites. ?One I can certainly identify with: ?I conspired to ditch school one day in a way that no one noticed. ? I never got caught.In the film, Ferris is pitted against a buffoon of a principal as his nemesis and comic foil. ?InRead more
Ah, yes, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, a classic, one of my all-time favorites. ?One I can certainly identify with: ?I conspired to ditch school one day in a way that no one noticed. ? I never got caught.
In the film, Ferris is pitted against a buffoon of a principal as his nemesis and comic foil. ?In your story, who is her nemesis, her comic or dramatic foil? ?”…to avoid being caught by the cops…” is vague. I suggest it’s better to define a specific nemesis/antagonist in the logline. ?(If her father is the police chief, then is it not the case that that ?is the specific dramatic character, the primary person, ?she will be evading? ?Well, I think the logline ought to to say so.)
Also Ferris didn’t ?do it just for himself. ?He did ?it for the sake of his guilt ridden, repressed friend Cameron — a worthy cause.
There is certainly an audience for stories about teenagers who rebel against hypocritical parents, oppressive authority figures and inflexible, unreasonable rules. ?I think the logline would benefit from polishing and focusing to highlight what makes your story a unique and fresh take on the genre.
Sigmund Freud defined a dream as the fulfillment of a wish. ?”Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ is a wish fulfillment film — an acting out of the dream of every teenager to fool their parents, and authority figures,break the rules, and get away with some mischief. ?In this case, to ditch school and not get caught.
In what way is your story a wish fulfillment story? What is the archetypal adolescent dream embedded in your story?
fwiw
See lessAfter sneaking out to attend the party of the year only to have things go horribly wrong, the straight-laced daughter of the police chief must employ criminal tactics to avoid being caught by the cops.
Does she deserve to be caught? ?IOW: ?did she break the law? ?Or is she just in the wrong place at the wrong time? And as Foxtrot25 said: he objective goal is negative: ?she wants to avoid being caught. ?And the means she employs is also negative. If a protagonist must break the law, it ought to beRead more
Does she deserve to be caught? ?IOW: ?did she break the law? ?Or is she just in the wrong place at the wrong time?
And as Foxtrot25 said: he objective goal is negative: ?she wants to avoid being caught. ?And the means she employs is also negative.
If a protagonist must break the law, it ought to be for a higher purpose than to merely save her own skin.
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