1. Posted: July 28, 2017In:

    After dying, Psychiatrist Ray Sandler and his secretary Caroline Neuwirth discover that they have gone to Hell and not Heaven. But there is hope in the form of Ben, a demon who offers both Ray and Caroline a chance to return to Earth, but at a cost. They must agree to get souls for Hell.

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with Dkpough1. What's the internal logic driving the deal the demon offers? Since when did Hell lack for new occupants?Also, this version of the logline sets up a situation where the objective goal is forced upon the characters. It's not an objective goal of their own volition. Loglines are abRead more

    Agree with Dkpough1. What’s the internal logic driving the deal the demon offers? Since when did Hell lack for new occupants?

    Also, this version of the logline sets up a situation where the objective goal is forced upon the characters. It’s not an objective goal of their own volition. Loglines are about plots and plots are about what a character chooses to do — not about a dictate or false choice forced upon him by someone else or circumstances. So the real dramatic question that needs to be raised is: given the circumstances and the offer, what do the characters decide to do for themselves?

    Or to mangle metaphors: ?the demon has given the protagonist a lemon. ?How does the protagonist choose to turn it into lemonade?

    Dkpough1’s suggestion is better in the sense that the character seizes the situation rather than the situation seizing him. He fulfills the protagonist’s job description to be a?proactive character rather than a reactive one.

    But either way, the goal is negative, anti-social, hardly one an audience would root for. Even in the horror genre, the audience has to have somebody to root for, to hope he or she will overcome every obstacle and threat and ultimately prevail. Who is the audience supposed to root for in this story?

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  2. Posted: July 24, 2017In:

    When she is targeted by a rival tech firm for software code in her head, a closed off data courier with a photographic memory must finish her latest delivery to survive. Only problem: For some reason, she can’t remember ever accepting the job.

    dpg Singularity

    Knightrider,I think there might be an opportunity to do a ?version 2.0 of the Johnny Mnemonic story, but I also think the core concept needs to be upgraded to reflect current technology. ?(IMHO: one reason the movie version of William Gibson's story didn't play well as a movie was because ?by the tiRead more

    Knightrider,

    I think there might be an opportunity to do a ?version 2.0 of the Johnny Mnemonic story, but I also think the core concept needs to be upgraded to reflect current technology. ?(IMHO: one reason the movie version of William Gibson’s story didn’t play well as a movie was because ?by the time the movie was made, technology had advanced such that it undermined the premise.)

    It seems to me that any new version must justify its premise by addressing the question: ?in the ?age of ?the Darknet, TOR, and 2048-bit key cryptography, why would fallible, vulnerable humans be used as mules to transmit mission critical data (for legal or illegal purposes) stored in their “wetware”?

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: July 27, 2017In:

    A jaded 40 something, estranged daughter, has to take care of her mother who suffers from Alzheimer while trying to get pregnant before it?s too late for her?

    dpg Singularity

    RoseVilaflor:This is my initial response to both versions of your concept.Your concept deals with two timely issues for the the female children of baby boomers: the ticking biological clock for motherhood, and children forced to become the parents of their parents when their parents are struck by thRead more

    RoseVilaflor:

    This is my initial response to both versions of your concept.

    Your concept deals with two timely issues for the the female children of baby boomers: the ticking biological clock for motherhood, and children forced to become the parents of their parents when their parents are struck by the afflictions of old age that make them as helpless as children.

    My initial reaction favors this story line which focuses on one daughter rather than an ensemble. ?Though there certainly could be other siblings in the supporting cast, it is almost always better to plot the story in terms of one primary character (aka: protagonist).

    It is also best practice to frame the story with one objective goal for the protagonist. ?It seems to me the obvious candidate for the objective goal for the 40-something daughter is to become a parent before it’s too late. ?It’s ?positive, and proactive, a task assumed voluntarily and with eager anticipation.

    Whereas taking care of her mother is involuntary and undertaken with the prospect of a tremendous, unpleasant, protracted ordeal.

    So I would rework the logline to focus on her objective goal of becoming a mother before it’s too late. ?Her mother descending into Alzheimer’s disease is a complication. ?(And there may be others associated with finding the right guy or at least sperm donor or overcoming issues with fertility)

    Finally, ?I don’t see how jaded is particularly germane and congruent to the dramatic predicament she faces.?

    fwiw

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