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After falling in love with his dream woman actress during a film collaboration, an agoraphobic writer struggles to attend a series of PR dates hoping to win her heart.
>>>attend a series of PR datesStrikes me as weak. ?So he attends -- and she doesn't notice him. ?End of story.Or he attends -- and she notices him. ?But that makes her the proactive agent because his Big Dream of a relationship is utterly dependent on her noticing him. After all, she's in tRead more
>>>attend a series of PR dates
Strikes me as weak. ?So he attends — and she doesn’t notice him. ?End of story.
Or he attends — and she notices him. ?But that makes her the proactive agent because his Big Dream of a relationship is utterly dependent on her noticing him. After all, she’s in the power-up position.
He’s got to do more than just show up, he’s got to do something that grabs her attention and holds it long enough for a relationship to develop.
He needs a a hook and the logline needs a hook. ?The writer must do something that grabs her attention, makes her want to engage with him. Something that likewise grabs the attention of a logline reader, makes her?want to read the script.
fwiw
See lessWhen a feisty child psychologist fights the system to save a haunted boy, she?s fired but what she discover changes them all.
A logline should focus on informing a logline reader of the conflict arising in pursuit of an objective goal arising from an inciting incident -- not teasing the reader with a "shocking" but unstated discovery made later in the story. ? (Check out "Formula" at the top of the web page of guidelines oRead more
A logline should focus on informing a logline reader of the conflict arising in pursuit of an objective goal arising from an inciting incident — not teasing the reader with a “shocking” but unstated discovery made later in the story. ? (Check out “Formula” at the top of the web page of guidelines on formulating an industry acceptable logline.)
What becomes the psychologist’s objective goal after she’s fired? ?What MUST she do? ?Who/what opposes her?
See lessAn Iraqi war vet, who discovers he was not born American, is caught by ICE. They promise him citizenship if he helps bring down a syndicate of birth certificate forgers. . But they renege and deport him to Guatemala, where gangs chase him on a harrowing journey back to the US to reunite with his family.
The story is all over the place; it lacks unity of action. ?Also the character is the victim of circumstances. ?A protagonist is supposed to the ?proactive agent of his own plot purpose, not a helpless pawn in other people's plot.And then there is the fact that one need not be a US citizen to enlistRead more
The story is all over the place; it lacks unity of action. ?Also the character is the victim of circumstances. ?A protagonist is supposed to the ?proactive agent of his own plot purpose, not a helpless pawn in other people’s plot.
And then there is the fact that one need not be a US citizen to enlist. ?A recruit who is a legally resident alien is good enough to become GI cannon fodder. ? So the fact he was not born on American soil is not, perforce, grounds to be deported ?And his lack of legal status ?should have been discovered during the background check when he enlisted. ?Why is it coming up now since both ICE and the military would be validating his legal status against the same databases?
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