solidjim:

The good news is I think your story has some very imaginative characters and situations. ?The bad news is that the imaginary world you’ve created is hard to compress into a logline because the elements are, well, imaginary, hence, unfamiliar — they don’t map (much) to the familiar world and require definitions and explanations.

It seems to me that the dramatic engine propelling the plot is the, uh, plot by the assassin to annihilate our galaxy. ?Why does the “Shiny Man” want to do that? ?What has he got against Elvis? (He doesn’t like rock and roll?)

[BTW: ?have you thought about writing this story first as a graphic novel? ?That way, ?you’d have the visuals to show studio executives what kind of world and what kind of story you propose to know. ?I know a writer who did this. ?He wrote an imaginative SciFi story featuring an ensemble of new superheroes. ?But he didn’t have the artistic chops to draw, so he hired someone to adapt his screenplay as a graphic story and posted it to a web site. ?And then he pointed Hollyweird folks to that url. ?And it worked. He sold his script for a tidy 6 figure number.]

fwiw

?

>>>DPG?s definition of the inciting incident in What Women Want is correct for the inner journey.

Uh, not exactly.

I can’t say more about Lars’ proposed story in relation to the topic under discussion since I don’t know all the story beats for the 1st Act.

But I can speak with regards to “What Women Want”.

As a matter of fact, Nick only settles on his objective goal to defeat his rival AFTER? he acquires his magical power to read women’s minds.? Before he acquires that power, he’s reacting, not acting. He’s running around like a chicken with his head cut off, afraid for his job, because he can’t come up with any ideas for the new campaign for a feminine product. ? He has no game plan, no objective goal to take his rival down and out because he has no means to do so.?

IOW: He’s trapped in a Blake Snyder “Death Moment.”

After he acquires it, he gets the the idea to use it to defeat his rival.? The magic power is the inspiration, the trigger event for his objective goal, his outer journey.

Watch the movie, folks.? Or study the story beats at IMDB.

And that is why I stated? that acquiring the power is the Inciting Incident for that movie.

[FWIW:? Until this discussion thread, I hadn’t tied Snyder’s “Death Moment” to my understanding of the “Point of Attack” beat.? Nor realized how important it is to the setup.? And as a way to more clearly hone in on the Inciting Incident.

So thanks Lars!? You have contributed to the expansion of my understanding of screenwriting.? Now if I could only return the favor and help resolve your logline concerns.]