1. Posted: November 15, 2016In:

    After her dad dies of a heart attack, a depressed girl struggles with drug addiction, threatening her chances for graduation while her mother battles alcoholism.

    dpg Singularity

    I ?assume the objective goal is for her to graduate. ?The logline should be reframed with a more direct statement of that as her objective goal.While all her personal problems may threaten her chances to graduate, ?why does she care about graduating? ?(Which is also to ask, why should we in the audiRead more

    I ?assume the objective goal is for her to graduate. ?The logline should be reframed with a more direct statement of that as her objective goal.

    While all her personal problems may threaten her chances to graduate, ?why does she care about graduating? ?(Which is also to ask, why should we in the audience care?) ?Why MUST she graduate? ?IOW: what are her stakes? ?Becoming the 1st member of her family to go college break out of a vicious cycle of poverty. ?Getting a scholarship to pursue her dream career?

    What is her dream, anyway? ?Her biggest dream? ?Whatever it is, that should be what is at stake in graduating. ?It’s got to be about more than just getting a scrap of paper.

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  2. Posted: November 15, 2016In:

    After she covers up a murder, an ambitious cop must escape the clutches of the disturbed young man that blackmails her.

    dpg Singularity

    So she kills him and covers up that murder, too. ?End of her problem, end of story.So how does he blackmail her in ?a way that she dare not/ cannot kill him? ?IOW: ?what does "escape the clutches" mean in terms of?the specific dramatic action she takes?And what do you conceive to be the bonding agenRead more

    So she kills him and covers up that murder, too. ?End of her problem, end of story.

    So how does he blackmail her in ?a way that she dare not/ cannot kill him? ?IOW: ?what does “escape the clutches” mean in terms of?the specific dramatic action she takes?

    And what do you conceive to be the bonding agent in this story? ?That is, what is there that will ?make ?an audience want to invest $12-$15 and 2 hours of their time in someone who is obviously an anti-hero? ?Why will viewers want to watch what she does in spite of her villainy?

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  3. Posted: November 14, 2016In:

    Rescued from a life of bullying and abandonment, a young girl musters up the courage to battle a serpent who is holding her estranged father captive.

    dpg Singularity

    As?Richiev said.What exactly is the inciting incident that triggers the plot? ?Whatever it is, it should lead off the logline.An objective goal concerns ?the action that will constitute the entire 2nd Act and most of the 3rd. ?That translates into 85-100 pages of script. ?Taken literally this loglinRead more

    As?Richiev said.

    What exactly is the inciting incident that triggers the plot? ?Whatever it is, it should lead off the logline.

    An objective goal concerns ?the action that will constitute the entire 2nd Act and most of the 3rd. ?That translates into 85-100 pages of script. ?Taken literally this logline says that most of the script will be taken up with the issue of the young girl merely mustering her courage. ?And then, finally, ?after 85-100 pages she will get around to rescuing her father.

    Well, obviously you mean to say that her objective goal is to struggle to rescue her father from the git go, not after 85-100 pages.?

    “Mustering the courage” is the subjective issue she will have to overcome in her ongoing struggle to save him. ?The trick to handling the subjective issue in a logline is to allude to it in terms of a character vulnerability; like, she’s timorous or fearful. ?

    The bullying seems to be in the ?backstory. ?If so, while relevant to the formation of her character, it doesn’t belong ?in the logline because a logline is a description of a plot. ?And a plot is about the action moving forward in time, not looking backward, even when the past haunts the present.

    fwiw

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