1. Posted: October 8, 2016In:

    Wanting to be independent of her abusive alcoholic father a teen takes driving lessons with her pensioner neighbour discovery the father figure she needs and caring really means.

    dpg Singularity

    This seems to be a story where the hook is the relationship that develops between the teen and the pensioner. ?Even so, I think the relationship needs to be framed within an overall objective goal on the part of the teenage protagonist.What's her definition of " independence" in terms of a specificRead more

    This seems to be a story where the hook is the relationship that develops between the teen and the pensioner. ?Even so, I think the relationship needs to be framed within an overall objective goal on the part of the teenage protagonist.

    What’s her definition of ” independence” in terms of a specific objective goal/game plan? Like, does she want get a drivers’s license as part of a plan to escape, run away? (With the car. Or without; at least have legit ID to begin to establish an independent identity and life?)

    (It could be the wrong objective goal and the relationship with the pensioner will lead her to a more mature objective goal, but at least it’s an objective goal.)

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  2. Posted: October 7, 2016In:

    “When her drink is spiked at a party a virgin finds herself pregnant and a seminary student is the father. Together they must go through hell to find a piece of heaven.”

    dpg Singularity

    FWIW, here is what I come up with when I run this logline through my personal template of key questions.Questions in bold are required elements in a standard logline. Gotta have them, no exceptions.Questions in italic are important elements to consider.Questions in plaint text are not required elemeRead more

    FWIW, here is what I come up with when I run this logline through my personal template of key questions.
    Questions in bold are required elements in a standard logline. Gotta have them, no exceptions.
    Questions in italic are important elements to consider.
    Questions in plaint text are not required elements but I find useful in evaluating a logline.

    Question: Answer:
    What is the hook?? ?A virgin discover she’s pregnant
    Who is the protagonist? The virgin
    What is her character flaw? Nothing explicit (Although it seems she foolishly succumbed to temptation/peer pressure at a college party.)
    What is the inciting incident (II)? She discovers she’s pregnant
    What is her objective goal (OG)? None stated
    Who is the antagonist? None stated.? The seminary person may be “a person of interest” but it’s not clear that he’s an antagonist.
    What are the stakes? N/A (Because there’s no objective goal)
    Is there a ticking clock? None stated.
    What is her character strength or defining characteristic? Nothing specifically (although could have have strong religious convictions about sexual abstinence until marriage which would intensify the subjective conflict of discovering herself pregnant)
    Is there a clear causal link between the inciting incident (II) and the objective goal (OG)? N/A (Because there’s no objective goal)
    Is the OG forced or voluntary? N/A (Because there’s no objective goal)
    What is the subjective need? Several possibilities but nothing suggestive for want of a character flaw and objective goal.
    Is there a unifying theme? When reading a logline, I like to get a sense of one.? But there is none that I can detect.
    My take away: ____________________________________________________________________________
    ? I think the hook is a good one, has lots of dramatic potential.

    But this logline only sets up a situation for a plot. It? doesn’t follow through to completion with a concise statement of a plot. ?Specifically, it lacks a statement of a specific objective goal, the stakes entailed and an antagonist and/or obstacle that threatens to defeat the protagonist in her pursuit of her objective goal. These are must-have elements.

    Until the missing elements are supplied, no one in the industry has enough information to evaluate the dramatic potential.? There’s not enough bait on the hook to induce them to want to read the script, see if it would make a good movie.

    To reiterate, the hook is a good one.? Now bait the hook.

    Hope this helps.? Best wishes.
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  3. Posted: October 6, 2016In:

    An aspiring horror filmmaker stumbles upon and films a fairy-tale copy-cat murder, but when no charges are pressed, he must try to stop another murder.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>a murderer who is recreating a fairy-taleSo there's the story hook: ?a serial killer who compulsively (ritualistically?) acts out the same scenario of a specific fairy tale.Any particular reason you ?want to make the protagonist a filmmaker instead of, say, a detective?Could the film makRead more

    >>>a murderer who is recreating a fairy-tale

    So there’s the story hook: ?a serial killer who compulsively (ritualistically?) acts out the same scenario of a specific fairy tale.

    Any particular reason you ?want to make the protagonist a filmmaker instead of, say, a detective?

    Could the film maker get involved when he is consulted on the case because the serial murders replicate the scenario of his most successful — and notorious — horror film? ?Life imitating art — that’s the copy-cat aspect?

    fwiw

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