1. Posted: September 7, 2016In:

    A fanatical sports fan inherits a huge fortune from a previously unknown uncle. However, the estate includes ownership of his own teams hated local rivals and the proviso that he will only inherit if he takes control of them and leads them to the best season in their history.

    dpg Singularity

    What FFF said. ?He should not only hate the team he's inherited but the deceased uncle. ? ?The uncle is someone who he knew only too well. ?The hatred was mutual which is why the uncle bequeathed it to him, as a malicious, vindictive joke. And it ?might also strengthen the story if he doesn't just wRead more

    What FFF said. ?He should not only hate the team he’s inherited but the deceased uncle. ? ?The uncle is someone who he knew only too well. ?The hatred was mutual which is why the uncle bequeathed it to him, as a malicious, vindictive joke.

    And it ?might also strengthen the story if he doesn’t just want the money — he desperately?needs it; he’s on the verge of financial ruin from his own failed investments, business venture, whatever.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: September 8, 2016In:

    When an orphan turned assassin in training disobeys killing her target, she is thrown into the lower ranks of the Assassin’s Guild, working as a servant, trying to work her way up only to discover her parents? killer walking the hallways and finding a record that showed her village?s demise was paid-for, not random and now she must find out the reason why her village was a target, and more importantly, who was responsible for it.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    At 76 words, this logline is too long and complicated to properly evaluate and offer suggestions. ?Except to point out that most of it seems to be backstory and the setup for the action of the plot proper. ?I'm ?not sure where the plot proper begins. ?And a logline should focus on the plot proper.PlRead more

    At 76 words, this logline is too long and complicated to properly evaluate and offer suggestions. ?Except to point out that most of it seems to be backstory and the setup for the action of the plot proper. ?I’m ?not sure where the plot proper begins. ?And a logline should focus on the plot proper.

    Please check out “Training” at the top of the web page for guidelines on composing a succinct, industry acceptable logline.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: September 6, 2016In:

    When the lands fairest Princess father is killed and throne taken by an Evil Suitor, her exiled mother she never knew returns to teach her the magical arts to take back her Kingdom

    dpg Singularity

    Dkpough1 re:>>Actually, now that I think about it, this somewhat applies to Batman as well. While he doesn?t have actual powers, he has(impossibly) mastered all martial arts, and is at peak physical condition.True, and that's my point. Batman has to win by his ?wits, courage and?natural physicRead more

    Dkpough1 re:

    >>Actually, now that I think about it, this somewhat applies to Batman as well. While he doesn?t have actual powers, he has(impossibly) mastered all martial arts, and is at peak physical condition.

    True, and that’s my point. Batman has to win by his ?wits, courage and?natural physical strength. ?Gifting a character with super duper powers (but not the antagonist) ?deprives the story of suspense because the deck is stacked in favor of the protagonist. ? Whereas ?the deck should be stacked in favor of the antagonist. ?Always.

    The subtext of the slogan in “The Hunger Games” — may the odds ever be in your favor — is that the odds are overwhelmingly not ?in favor of Katniss Everdeen. ?That what makes her a ?such a great hero; ?she discovers and develops her native, natural strength and savvy to prevail against the odds.

    In this logline, the inciting incident is a serious reversal of fortune for the princess. ?But really, how is the deck stacked against her struggle to reverse her fortune, recover the throne?

    See less
    • 0