1. Posted: July 13, 2016In:

    Obsessed with causality, a mathematician creates future simulation software only for it to predict he’ll die in three days unless he is prepared to kill a complete stranger, who is somehow connected to his fate, but instead he begins falling for her

    dpg Singularity

    >>>and must kill a woman he?s never met in three days to alter his fateWhy? Because the program's predicts she will murder him? ?Or accidentally kill him? If so, ?I think the logline should say so. ? There needs to be a logical, causal relationship between all the elements in a logline. ?WhRead more

    >>>and must kill a woman he?s never met in three days to alter his fate

    Why? Because the program’s predicts she will murder him? ?Or accidentally kill him? If so, ?I think the logline should say so. ? There needs to be a logical, causal relationship between all the elements in a logline. ?What is the causal relationship between his impending death and the woman that requires him to kill her?

    Also, why not make the protagonist the ?program’s creator? While beta-testing his product, he discovers his fatal future. And specifically, he’s developed it as an app to sell and make a fortune?

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  2. Posted: July 13, 2016In:

    Fleeing an unseen force controlling their minds, an old man and his two nieces hijack a woman’s car only to discover she’s already picked up a familiar hitchhiker.

    dpg Singularity

    Who is the protagonist? ?The logline indicates 3: the old man and his 2 nieces. ?Well, the nieces can certainly be stake characters, people he is trying to rescue as well as himself. ?But one person should stand out as the protagonist, in the driver's seat of the plot. ?In this case it would seem toRead more

    Who is the protagonist? ?The logline indicates 3: the old man and his 2 nieces. ?Well, the nieces can certainly be stake characters, people he is trying to rescue as well as himself. ?But one person should stand out as the protagonist, in the driver’s seat of the plot. ?In this case it would seem to be the character in the driver’s seat of the car,, the uncle.

    And what does he decided to do when he realizes the woman holds the key? ?IOW: ?what becomes the protagonist’s objective goal upon making that discovery?

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  3. Posted: July 9, 2016In:

    Wanting to go legit a young drug dealer must do one last run to rescue her sister being held hostage by her boss; knowing she be going to be killed.

    dpg Singularity

    The ?logline sets up the predicament that Amy must do the run to rescue her sister. ?So it seems to me that it's a dramatic cheat to have her sister rescue herself -- and too easily at that. ? ?It reduces dramatic tension and suspense for the 3rd Act when dramatic tension and suspense should?spike.TRead more

    The ?logline sets up the predicament that Amy must do the run to rescue her sister. ?So it seems to me that it’s a dramatic cheat to have her sister rescue herself — and too easily at that. ? ?It reduces dramatic tension and suspense for the 3rd Act when dramatic tension and suspense should?spike.

    The core dramatic question raised by the logline is: ?can Amy rescue her sister? ?Amy has to jump over sundry hurdles, overcome threats, defeat opponents to provide the final answer to the question. ?All the while,?the objective goal remains the same: rescue her sister from the drug lord.

    ?The final answer to that question should not be answered until the last minutes of the 3rd Act.?And it should be answered by the protagonist, Amy, not her sister. ?That’s the protagonist’s job description ?– to work out the final answer to the dramatic question. ?

    So you want Amy to expand her rescue goal to her sister’s future, too? ?Fine. ?But the future is what happens after the FADE OUT. ?Amy should also rescue her sister within the present tense, the time frame of the film itself, before the FADE OUT. ?

    That’s the premise and an implied promise of the logline. ?And I think the story should deliver on its promise. ?Not only would it enhance dramatic suspense and tension it would make Amy’s sacrificial death more meaningful.

    fwiw

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