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An interstellar hitman is forced together with an intrepid, young archeologist in a race against a ruthless mercenary group to find the legendary fortune of an ancient civilization.
I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you've done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story. ?It's a big story, so you want to tell us about the big pieces. ?But I think from the start youRead more
I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you’ve done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story. ?It’s a big story, so you want to tell us about the big pieces. ?But I think from the start you’ve been telling us too much. ?This is a journey story. ?He needs money, lots of it, and is on a quest to get it. ?Big bad guys are in the way. ?While I’m certain the archeologist plays a key roll in the script, it’s likely the B story love interest. ?With this much going on, try just focusing on the A story.
See lessIn 1915, after a promising Australian sprinter spurns athletic glory for military glory by enlisting in the Great War, he must survive the carnage of the doomed Gallipoli campaign in Turkey.
How is this different than the film Gallipoli staring Mel Gibson from 1981? ?In that film the log line is "Two Australian sprinters face the brutal realities of war when they are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in Turkey during World War I." As you see from that film's log line you can simplRead more
How is this different than the film Gallipoli staring Mel Gibson from 1981? ?In that film the log line is “Two Australian sprinters face the brutal realities of war when they are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in Turkey during World War I.”
As you see from that film’s log line you can simplify your own.
See lessA man seeking love falls for a lady he will marry. When he walks in on his best friend sleeping with her, he then must make a choice to either walk away or get his revenge.
This log line contains extra and unnecessary information. ?The sentence "A man seeking love falls for a lady he will marry." can be replaced by the words 'An engaged man." Simplified "An engaged man discovers his fiancee sleeping with his best friend. " ?Then you set up the choice he has to make aboRead more
This log line contains extra and unnecessary information. ?The sentence “A man seeking love falls for a lady he will marry.” can be replaced by the words ‘An engaged man.”
Simplified “An engaged man discovers his fiancee sleeping with his best friend. ” ?Then you set up the choice he has to make about letting them go or trying to get some kind of revenge on them both.
Since the whole film is him deciding to do something bad to them, it would be good if we had some idea of what that specifically was. ?Sleeping with his best friends girl? ?His Fiancee’s sister?
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