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After falling in love a doctor while recovering in a hospital a woman find out she’s in coma. Now she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?
I am not sure I understand the whole logline. Let me check: The first sentence has bad syntax. Do you mean: After falling in love with a doctor while recovering in a hospital, a woman finds out she's in a coma. ? What do you mean "she finds out she is in a coma?" Do you mean she is in a coma but sheRead more
I am not sure I understand the whole logline. Let me check:
The first sentence has bad syntax. Do you mean:
?
What do you mean “she finds out she is in a coma?” Do you mean she is in a coma but she has consciousness? And she can make choices?
And is the dilemma whether she will wake up or stay in a coma, so that she stay close to her doctor?
OK, let’s assume this is the case.
Why is this a dilemma? Why not wake up (since it’s up to her) and then meet the doctor in person and tell him that she loves him? Even if “she has a life” that she has to go back to, why is this a problem?Even if she is married. Movies are about people making courageous decisions. The most courageous decision would be to wake up and deal with whomever she is in love with. “Staying in the coma” is a coward’s, an escapist’s decision. I don’t see why it would satisfy any audience.
Now, in terms of the 3 essential elements of the logline’s structure:
Event: “After falling in love with a doctor, while recovering in a hospital… in a coma…”
Character: “…a woman…”
Action: … she must decide, will she wake up and go back to her life or will she stay?”
After mentioning that the Character bit is a little vague, it being simply “a woman,” with no other information on her personality, I must say that the thinest part of all is the Action. A decision cannot be the action that drives the Second Act. A decision takes only a moment. It may take ages to decide, but that’s still not an action. That’s hesitation.
So she decides. Or, it takes her time to decide. Or she keeps changing her mind. But what happens while she struggles with her decision?What do we see on the screen? Also, whatever happens, does it happen to her? Is she completely passive?
See lessA simple disagreement in a gas station results in a store manager being brutally murdered. A dubious employee can’t accept the official explanation and asks one too many questions, sparking a series of events that could ruin him completely.
What's the "official explanation?" Try something like: When her boss gets brutally murdered, a gas station clerk must ...?
What’s the “official explanation?”
Try something like:
See lessWhen her boss gets brutally murdered, a gas station clerk must …?