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When an extremely devoted woman learns of her husband's infidelity from a neighbor, she becomes devastated and determines to make confirmations, terminate the marriage and take from him what he cherishes most – their kids.
That's a bit sour jeez lol. At least offer a way to help.
That’s a bit sour jeez lol. At least offer a way to help.
See lessWhen an extremely devoted woman learns of her husband's infidelity from a neighbor, she becomes devastated and determines to make confirmations, terminate the marriage and take from him what he cherishes most – their kids.
Make it shorter. Cut out the neighbor, cut out extremely cut out the confirmations, if there is some obstacle (money, parents, feelings etc) that prevents her from just taking her kids then mention that. Also I don't see a character flaw from the wife. Try to create more conflict. If the conflict isRead more
Make it shorter. Cut out the neighbor, cut out extremely cut out the confirmations, if there is some obstacle (money, parents, feelings etc) that prevents her from just taking her kids then mention that. Also I don’t see a character flaw from the wife.
Try to create more conflict. If the conflict is her getting proof or working up the nerve then mention that but you already listed her resolve to leave him and take the kids so it doesn’t seem like a conflict. (which is also why I said cut the confirmations out)
The neighbor doesn’t seem important.
Other than that I think you are on your way to creating an engaging drama.
See lessCharlie, a translator, finds his wife has been murdered and turned into an undead shadow creature. He must interpret her speech and discover the mystery behind her death.
I say yes to your last question. Also maybe just to mess around or for some flavor to make the logline more like "OMG i want to know what's going on" Throw in something about the conflict of the shadow creature not being able to communicate effectively. So that we can feel there is a trial to go thrRead more
I say yes to your last question. Also maybe just to mess around or for some flavor to make the logline more like “OMG i want to know what’s going on” Throw in something about the conflict of the shadow creature not being able to communicate effectively. So that we can feel there is a trial to go through.
Otherwise good stuff man.
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