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  1. Posted: December 6, 2015In: Thriller

    A ‘Thrill-Thirsty’ son learns that ‘Knowledge is a double-edged sword’ and promises to wield it wisely, after crossing roads with his Inspiring-Mentor, his Dad (a celebrated Police-Officer!).

    Best Answer
    gokulthedreamer Logliner
    Added an answer on December 10, 2015 at 1:18 am

    Thank You... made a lotta sense...! Here i go again: A ?Thrill-Thirsty? son learns that ?Knowledge is a double-edged sword? and promises to wield it wisely, after crossing roads with his Inspiring-Mentor, his Dad (a Retiring-Celebrated Police-Officer!). But he is on the 'Other-Side' of the Law alreaRead more

    Thank You… made a lotta sense…!

    Here i go again:

    A ?Thrill-Thirsty? son learns that ?Knowledge is a double-edged sword? and promises to wield it wisely, after crossing roads with his Inspiring-Mentor, his Dad (a Retiring-Celebrated Police-Officer!). But he is on the ‘Other-Side’ of the Law already. The Dad is not sure whom he must protect. The LAW of the Corrupt-Politicians or his SON who has taken their bait!?

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  2. Posted: September 2, 2015In: Public

    An inexperienced detective finds evidence at a murder scene strangely matching that found at her mother?s death 20 years earlier and finds herself drawn into a vortex of deceit, terror and retribution

    gokulthedreamer Logliner
    Added an answer on December 10, 2015 at 1:07 am

    "An inexperienced detective finds evidence at a murder scene strangely matching that found at her mother?s death 20 years earlier and finds herself drawn into a vortex of deceit, terror and retribution" "Murder" is too OPEN, can be more specific (like ?a character / age / locale / occupation of theRead more

    “An inexperienced detective finds evidence at a murder scene strangely matching that found at her mother?s death 20 years earlier and finds herself drawn into a vortex of deceit, terror and retribution”

    “Murder” is too OPEN, can be more specific (like ?a character / age / locale / occupation of the victim i.e. ideally contrasting with her mother) “Murder of….”

    Conflict & Stakes… MISSING!

    “deceit, terror and retribution”: Reaction… / The Action: MISSING!

    more light can be thrown on the mother, apart from just being “dead”, cos she is the only other character you’ve disclosed, its not really possible to empathise with either of them!

    hope this helps…
    Cheers!

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  3. Posted: December 8, 2015In: SciFi

    An atheist religious studies professor grieving the death of her mother is visited by a fatally wounded woman who falls into a coma after granting her god-like powers.

    gokulthedreamer Logliner
    Added an answer on December 10, 2015 at 12:54 am

    "An atheist religious studies professor grieving the death of her mother is visited by a fatally wounded woman who falls into a coma after granting her god-like powers." "atheist, religious-studies professor" : Protagonist, yes, but doesn't need to be this descriptive. "visited" : too vague. "god-liRead more

    “An atheist religious studies professor grieving the death of her mother is visited by a fatally wounded woman who falls into a coma after granting her god-like powers.”

    “atheist, religious-studies professor” : Protagonist, yes, but doesn’t need to be this descriptive.

    “visited” : too vague.
    “god-like powers” : again, too vague.

    “falls into Coma” / “Granting god like powers” Inciting-Incident is not clear!

    Forget the Ending, but How and Where the story is headed is needed, to invoke any interest.
    Some light can be thrown on the Stakes / Conflict…
    Coz, after i read it, i was like, “…So?”

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