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After her village is massacred, a woman travels to a remote temple to train so she can destroy her enemies and avenge her people.
You?ve actually got three goals for your hero - to travel, to train, and to avenge. You can have all of those in your story but your logline needs to focus on the primary goal. And, as others have said, tell us what?s at stake if the hero fails.
You?ve actually got three goals for your hero – to travel, to train, and to avenge. You can have all of those in your story but your logline needs to focus on the primary goal. And, as others have said, tell us what?s at stake if the hero fails.
See lessAfter he’s fired for accidentally killing a noble hero, and thus taking away honor from his evil warlord boss, a disgraced henchman is forced to become the champion of a local village in order to overthrow the tyranny of his former master.?
Some interesting elements, but it does make me scratch my head. You?ve unintentionally, I think, made the bad guy the good guy, and the good guy the bad guy. The ?evil warlord? fired his henchman on justifiable grounds, making him the good guy here, so overthrowing him for his ?tyranny? (which is noRead more
Some interesting elements, but it does make me scratch my head. You?ve unintentionally, I think, made the bad guy the good guy, and the good guy the bad guy. The ?evil warlord? fired his henchman on justifiable grounds, making him the good guy here, so overthrowing him for his ?tyranny? (which is not evident) just makes the henchman a disgruntled employee out for revenge. It doesn?t make him a ?champion? for some poor village.
As your logline stands, I?m rooting for the evil warlord, which means the logline is really from the antagonist?s POV…which is confusing.
See lessNew to a civilian world, an ex soldier freshly divorced from an abusive marriage, is forced to live with his PTSD twin sister while trying to build a business to pay the bills.
The PTSD sister is a complication, not an antagonist unless she is actively trying to stop him from achieving a goal. As Richiev suggests, helping her seems to be the goal, but I feel like there's a twist missing from the story that would make it more interesting. Just for example, if he took over hRead more
The PTSD sister is a complication, not an antagonist unless she is actively trying to stop him from achieving a goal. As Richiev suggests, helping her seems to be the goal, but I feel like there’s a twist missing from the story that would make it more interesting. Just for example, if he took over his sister’s store and discovered?a local gang is extorting it, it would not only be one way to explain her PTSD but defeating them would also give him a more concrete goal than just “building a business.”
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