1. Posted: February 23, 2019In:

    “A lightning strike changes the half breed twins path as they search for the truth behind their father’s death. While a vengeful Uncle strives to strip their shaman grandfather of all that he holds dear.”

    harry Logliner

    I agree with Richiev. I would also suggest not using vague language like "changes the half breed twins path" 1. the logline doesn't suggest to the reader that being a "half breed" is important to the story. The logline needs more context to make it important. 2. we don't know what their original "paRead more

    I agree with Richiev. I would also suggest not using vague language like “changes the half breed twins path”

    1. the logline doesn’t suggest to the reader that being a “half breed” is important to the story. The logline needs more context to make it important.

    2. we don’t know what their original “path” was, so when it’s “changed” it doesn’t mean anything because we have no reference point

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  2. Posted: March 30, 2018In:

    As a giant asteroid hurtles toward Earth, an embittered doomsday prepper must choose whether to open up his shelter to his runaway ex-wife and her crazy cult friends or risk spending eternity alone.

    harry Logliner

    Thanks to you all for your input. Lots of great points. That logline was a version done by a friend of one I had done earlier. Here's my own version. It probably still needs work but I'd value your feedback on this one, too: As a giant asteroid hurtles towards Earth, a?brokenhearted survivalist mustRead more

    Thanks to you all for your input. Lots of great points. That logline was a version done by a friend of one I had done earlier.

    Here’s my own version. It probably still needs work but I’d value your feedback on this one, too:

    As a giant asteroid hurtles towards Earth, a?brokenhearted survivalist must defend his doomsday bunker from a vengeful cult leader after giving shelter to his runaway wife

    …not realizing she?s a double agent.

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  3. Posted: March 30, 2018In:

    As a giant asteroid hurtles toward Earth, an embittered doomsday prepper must choose whether to open up his shelter to his runaway ex-wife and her crazy cult friends or risk spending eternity alone.

    harry Logliner

    Interesting take. I would say there's multiple levels of implied tension and conflict that would carry the reader through the entire story:? ex VS ex; prepper VS cult; living in a confined space with unhinged strangers; the strain on his supplies and the escalating stakes that would ensue, etc. TheRead more

    Interesting take.

    I would say there’s multiple levels of implied tension and conflict that would carry the reader through the entire story:? ex VS ex; prepper VS cult; living in a confined space with unhinged strangers; the strain on his supplies and the escalating stakes that would ensue, etc. The ‘decision’ is just the choice he has to make after the call to adventure.

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