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Suicidal and desperate for death, a young man travels to a house to remove the one element in his life that keeps him going so he can have his death wish fulfilled, his brother.
I am a little new to advise on log-lines. This one was a little confusing prior to reading your response to -dpg- as to the actual goal of the story. I also think that saying he's Suicidal and desperate for death is pretty much repeating yourself. In order for me to grasp this type of story even asRead more
I am a little new to advise on log-lines. This one was a little confusing prior to reading your response to -dpg- as to the actual goal of the story. I also think that saying he’s Suicidal and desperate for death is pretty much repeating yourself. In order for me to grasp this type of story even as a short story would be extremely hard.
Maybe, go back a find out why the he’s happy only when the brother is around. Does the brother go out of his way to make him happy, if so, why. Maybe something happened in their past thats he make amends for that can one can not get past and the only way is for both of them to die.
This may help to work out the story as well as revising the log-line. Hopefully that helps
See lessSuicidal and desperate for death, a young man travels to a house to remove the one element in his life that keeps him going so he can have his death wish fulfilled, his brother.
I am a little new to advise on log-lines. This one was a little confusing prior to reading your response to -dpg- as to the actual goal of the story. I also think that saying he's Suicidal and desperate for death is pretty much repeating yourself. In order for me to grasp this type of story even asRead more
I am a little new to advise on log-lines. This one was a little confusing prior to reading your response to -dpg- as to the actual goal of the story. I also think that saying he’s Suicidal and desperate for death is pretty much repeating yourself. In order for me to grasp this type of story even as a short story would be extremely hard.
Maybe, go back a find out why the he’s happy only when the brother is around. Does the brother go out of his way to make him happy, if so, why. Maybe something happened in their past thats he make amends for that can one can not get past and the only way is for both of them to die.
This may help to work out the story as well as revising the log-line. Hopefully that helps
See less